Oana Groza
Amid the era of isolation and social distancing, R&B neo soul songstress Kehlani released her sophomore album It Was Good Until It Wasn’t, a refreshing project providing listeners with an escape from the uncertain realities. Her breakthrough as a finalist on America’s Got Talent with high school teen band Poplyfe put a spotlight on the Oakland born-and-raised artist. Shortly after the show, Kehlani went solo, and, by the age of 19, she released her first mixtape, Cloud 19. Less than a year later she followed up with her second mixtape, You Should Be Here (YSBH), which secured a Grammy nomination, making her the first ever female artist nominated for a mixtape. At an age when most of us were struggling to articulate our own thoughts, Kehlani had a tight grasp on it, translating her experiences into her art. She has always been blunt and transparent about her life – both the good and the bad – while exhibiting continued growth with each new project. Her debut album SweetSexySavage came out of the precipice of her own battles with mental health, showcasing her strength and resilience. And while pregnant, she created another mixtape, While We Wait, dedicated to her daughter.
Kehlani’s songs play like conversations between herself, people in her life (both present and absent), and her listeners. Embedded in her music are recurring themes that propel the message she sends to her listeners. Her grace, growth, and ingenuity has long been admired by her fans and lauded by critics. This review examines how Kehlani’s discography demonstrates growth and renewed understanding as she grapples with both new and old life experiences, such as feelings of love and loss.
Emerging Adulthood and the Rise of Kehlani
Kehlani’s first work was released at the age of 19 and her most recent at 25, a period conceptualized by developmental psychologist Arnett as “emerging adulthood,” which is marked by changes and identity formation (Arnett, 2004). Once seen as a transition, emerging adulthood is now considered a period in psychosocial development where young adults are not yet shifting and settling into their long-term roles, but rather venturing into different experiences (Arnett, 2007). What makes emerging adulthood unique is the prominence of five distinct features: (1) identity, (2) instability, (3) self-focus, (4) feeling in-between, (5) and possibilities/optimism (Arnett, 2004). Through Kehlani’s entire discography we see how she explores feelings of love and relationships, and with each new work, we see a progression, a new understanding guided by old experiences.
Her first mixtape, Cloud 19, put the Oakland native on the map and revitalized the R&B genre. The eight track mixtape primarily focuses on relationships as Kehlani asserts her worth through the exploration of romance and identity. The first track off the mixtape, FWU, narrates the modern-day love story as the rising artist declares her loyalty, singing,
“So if you ride then I’m riding too
By your side kinda stuck on you” (Parrish, 2014, track 1)
Moreover, in the second verse she describes their ambition and commitment to each other in the hopes of building a meaningful future stating,
“You love when I handle sh*t I already get it”
And
“Papi’s a hustler chasing mucho dinero” (Parrish, 2014, track 1).
One of the hallmarks of emerging adulthood is the seemingly endless possibilities. Without the full taste of real life, emerging adults hold high expectations about the future, envisioning a loving and lifelong partnership and a rewarding job (Arnett, 2004). For individuals who grew up in difficult conditions (e.g., poverty), emerging adulthood presents the chance to leave their old environment and create a new network of support, providing young people with optimism about these new possibilities of change (Arnett, 2004). As she envisions her future with her partner —“years down the road when up on out the projects”—she highlights the supportive and hardworking dynamic between them as they chase their dreams (Parrish, 2014, track 1).
Following FWU, in the track As I Am, Kehlani expands upon her expectations in relationships and opens up about her feelings, asking,
“If I gave you the chance to hold my soul would you just feel me,
see the real me?” (Parrish, 2014, track 2).
Love should not only be reciprocated, but proclaimed loudly and proudly. She will not shy away from admitting her feelings and being her true self and hopes to see the same from others. Cloud 19 as a whole is upbeat, fun, and catchy. Its youthfulness is relatable and emphasizes the playfulness and expectations that are inherent in young love. But this narrative shifts in her second mixtape, You Should Be Here (YSBH), as she dives deeper into the intricacies of relationships. Although the dynamics and expectations of a relationship may vary, the message of her second mixtape is unmistakable; it’s in the title. Her transparency and directness is immediate, beginning in the Intro, where she gives listeners a glimpse into her life:
“They say God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers and what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. And as much as anyone can say how invincible I seem or how fearless I am or how brave I must be, I’m still human. And I’ve seen things and I’ve felt more pain than some will in their entire lives, all before the age of even being able to buy a f*cking drink at a bar” (Parrish, 2015, track 1).
While identity formation begins in adolescence, it is much more apparent in emerging adulthood and focuses primarily on exploring love, work, and worldviews. Emerging adults navigate this by engaging in various experiences before slowly making a lasting decision in these areas (Arnett, 2000). During this period, romantic and physical relationships are explored with more focus on intimacy than in adolescence and are more focused on implicitly answering the question: “given the kind of person I am, what kind of person do I wish to have as a partner through life?” (Arnett, 2000, p. 473). Given the identity explorations, emerging adults often experience constant changes and disruptions, which leads to a new intensity and instability in this life stage (Arnett, 2004). With these changes – as a result of their explorations – emerging adults progress, providing clarification for the future they seek with these two features going hand-in-hand (Arnett, 2004). In her YSBH mixtape, Kehlani continues to explore her identity and confronts the instability.
As she draws on personal experiences throughout this project, she navigates relationships with eloquence and straightforwardness. In the raw title track of YSBH, we already see a change in her expectations from her romantic partner, no longer focusing just on loyalty, opening with:
“So far gone and you think I can’t tell
Can’t tell that you are disconnected
You pulled away and I miss your presence” (Parrish, 2015, track 2).
We can feel the pain Kehlani feels as she dissects the dissolution of the failing relationship. The chorus articulates her expectations, “you should be here, right here.” Little else matters without presence, which is further illuminated in the emotional and highly visual track, The Letter, where Kehlani confronts the heartbreak and abandonment she felt growing up, sorrowfully singing,
“There’s an emptiness that only few ever feel
And I somehow missed the meaning of love that is real” (Parrish, 2015, track 9).
While not explicitly stated, the track circles back to the message, as Kehlani wishes her biological mother was there with her when she was growing up. Shortly after her birth, Kehlani’s mother was, as the artist stated, in and out of her life. The pain of her biological mother’s intermittent presence has left scars unhealed, and she attempts to reconcile with this relationship in the melancholic track. She further questions her biological mother’s love for her in the second verse when she pleads for an answer,
“And if you weren’t gonna guide me
Why bring me into the light?” (Parrish, 2015, track 9).
The abandonment drives Kehlani to wonder if she ever felt and was taught what love is. She tries to grapple with this, but can only reach the quivering conclusion, “maybe I didn’t deserve you.” In congruence with her theme, Kehlani wants this pain to serve as a reminder to others: you should be here. Even though she is no longer a child, in a period of instability and feelings of in-betweenness, she is processing all the relationships – past and present – in her life.
The confident and unfettered Californian native continues to unravel the complexities of relationships after the release of her debut album SweetSexySavage (SSS), while embracing the woman she became. SSS has swagger, vulnerability, and cognizance as she explores her understanding and expectations of love and relationships. In the second track of SSS, Distraction, she details a fun love, one that is not serious and noncommittal,
“This life can can make you so jaded
So we can stay shaded just to us and try to get it right” (Parrish, 2017, track 3).
During emerging adulthood, there are typically few obligations that require daily commitments to others. The absence of these commitments coupled with newfound independence, suggest that now-emerging adults must make their own decisions (Arnett, 2004). Thus, emerging adults are self-focused and are able to gain the foundation and necessary skills to become self-sufficient before long-term commitments to love, work, and life in general (Arnett, 2004). It is a time for exploration, and Kehlani is doing exactly that. In SSS, Kehlani demonstrates the complexity of love; sometimes you want a casual, fun relationship without the work of a real one, whereas a “real” relationship can be hard to detach yourself from it, even knowing that it isn’t what’s best for you. In fact, she later elaborates on the pitfalls of love in the track In My Feelings, where she’s not afraid to admit she’s been wounded as she reflects on what it means to be in a relationship long after the love has faded and turned sour.
“Why after all these times, you still play all these games?
Why after all these nights, I still give you all my days?” (Parrish, 2017, track 15).
As she learns from each experience, whether casual or serious, she comes to realizations that allow her to understand what she is looking for. The autobiographical track Not Used To It stories the singer’s life growing up and how that has made it difficult for her to let her guard down and trust the partners in her relationships. She admits that her reluctance to open up is not necessarily a unique experience – “I don’t mean for it to sound so damn common” – but regardless, she is still adjusting to this process. She cites that the traditional idea of love, marriage, and family was not been present in her life growing up,
“And I still never been to a wedding
And I just see my family stressing
Over the sons who grow up with no daddies in every generation” (Parrish, 2017, track 8).
The absence of her father (who, as stated earlier in the track, passed away when she was young), coupled with the single mothers in her family, has put a strain on her ability to form a trusting relationship with men. Through her inner turmoil laid bare on the track, we see how she struggles to overcome this when she reveals,
“But when I say it’s hard to open up to you
It’s hard to get close to you
I want it with everything in me
To one day just say I’m in love with you” (Parrish, 2017, track 8).
Emerging adults are no longer adolescents, but have ambiguous feelings about being considered adults, generating an in-between sentiment (Arnett, 2004). Generally, emerging adults view their ability to accept responsibility, make independent decisions, and become financially independent as criteria to evaluate whether they consider themselves an adult (Arnett, 2004). Slowly, emerging adults build up confidence in these areas, but at the same time experience a feeling of in-between, which is demonstrated by the juxtaposition of her hesitations in the lyrics and the punchy and upbeat nature of this song. However, the song retains a sense of optimism and hope as Kehlani aspires to become more confident in her future relationships, which is further echoed by the sentiment in the post chorus. She strives to “one day” reach a point where she can be vulnerable and push past the uncertain feelings (Parrish, 2017, track 8).
Ultimately, emerging adulthood emphasizes a broad range of experiences in love and relationships which make for an intense period in life, and we see this reflected through Kehlani’s early projects. They are not always enjoyable; these explorations can still result in feelings of rejection, disappointment, and loss (Arnett, 2000). Nevertheless, they provide vital clarity that shapes the future we seek in adulthood.
Reflections of Motherhood in her Music
Kehalni’s third mixtape – While We Wait (WWW) – was written and recorded during her pregnancy with her first child and released just over a month before she gave birth. The title of the mixtape has a double meaning, as Kehlani awaits the imminent birth of her daughter and the release of her second album. The role of motherhood has a notable impact on Kehlani’s outlook, which is subsequently reflected in her music. Developmental psychologist Erik Erikson argued that identity may be renegotiated to some extent when adopting a new role, such as motherhood (Erikson, 1968). In particular, pregnancy for first-time mothers often instigates this negotiation as they create space for their child (Laney, Carruthers, Hall, & Anderson, 2014; Smith, 1994). Research has shown that motherhood causes women to assess their autonomy, appearance, and sexuality, and also has a profound impact on their identity, as their experiences and personalities become intensified (Laney, Hall, Anderson, & Willingham, 2015; Nicolson, 1999; Smith, 1994). Women’s identities are modified and redefined as they reflect on who they are and their relationships with others (Laney et al., 2015; Nicolson, 1999). Now, the needs of their child are much more immediate and salient in comparison to their own needs (Laney et al., 2014; Smith, 1994). Ultimately, mothers have cited the experience of motherhood as personally expansive, as their compassion and empathy increases and deepens their understanding of others (Laney et al., 2014).
Although always incredibly attuned to herself and surroundings, Kehlani’s emotional intelligence and empathy grow further as she transitions into her new role as a mother. WWW is a distilled project that demonstrates the shift in her work as Kehlani becomes a mother. The artist shows us that there are challenges to relationships, and that it is important to acknowledge these feelings. She circles back to this idea in the first track, Footsteps, as she once more reminisces a lost relationship, but with a new perspective, opening with,
“Patience could’ve done us well
‘Cause I could tell that all we lack was presence” (Parrish, 2019, track 1).
The track sets the tone of mixtape, one of pain and uncertainty, while also expanding upon ideas in her old works. Albeit a dysfunctional relationship, her refreshing honesty allows us to pinpoint the problems, like their inability to meet each other emotionally or communicate their expectations, singing,
“But still, cheers to being honest
Neither of us knew what we wanted
But all we knew is that we cared
Still all we painted was a moment” (Parrish, 2019, track 1).
In her resolve, there is a profound eloquence as she melancholically explains how the relationship, borne out of subdued love instead of nurture, has led to its decay as she sings in the second verse,
“And I really wanna work this out ‘cause I’m tired of fightin’
And I really hope you still want me the way I want you
And it really feels like this sh*t been on autopilot
And it’s habitual to be the b*tch I am, but not the chick you want
Residual damage left in place of what was beautiful
Excuses only work when what we’ve done is still excusable
You let the truth unfold” (Parrish, 2019, track 1).
Although Kehlani was committed to her relationship, only the embers of their love remain. This track in particular demonstrates her evolution from her first mixtape to now; failed relationships are a common theme in her work, but she becomes more articulate in illuminating the pitfalls of romance in WWW as the process of becoming a mother has helped her re-evaluate her personal relationships.
Evolving from Distraction, Kehlani reassesses the intricacies of a casual relationship on her second track, Too Deep. Almost as if in conversation with herself, Kehlani ruminates over her situationship – realizing that feelings are one-sided and her partner is looking for more than she can give. A once “candy crushing” fling, meant to be fun, has turned confusing as she questions why the boundaries are being pushed,
“I don’t know why you pass for it
Wasting energy texting me
Text messages, threat messages” (Parrish, 2019, track 2).
And as the song progresses, the confusion and back-and-forth escalates ultimately ending with both hurt as she narrates the unexpected whirlwind in the bridge, culminating with,
“You just wanna talk, I don’t wanna listen
Now I wanna talk, you don’t wanna listen
I don’t ever wanna lose you again
You don’t ever wanna see me again
Say that I’m done, leave you alone
Mark you, then call you again” (Parrish, 2019, track 2).
Perfectly encapsulated in a simple sentiment, Kehlani showcases the messy realities of undefined relationships. However, WWW is not all about lost hope and unlucky love. The second to last track, Butterfly, explores the metamorphosis of a new relationship and the process of opening up to one another. While she patiently understands and navigates the barriers in the relationship, she longs for her partner to open up – like a butterfly emerging from its cocoon – so that she can learn more about who they are. She encourages him to share with her, softly rapping in the outro,
“I see you duck and dodge at every bend
Afraid to play your card, be forced to show your hand
I hope you take from this that it’ll make you no less of a man
To break your walls and simply grab my hand
Love shouldn’t be contraband
It shouldn’t trample on your confidence
Shouldn’t be seen as less than compliments” (Parrish, 2019, track 8).
Committed and willing, she continues to share what she sees from her partner and empathetically and enthusiastically encourages them to shed their walls. Through the confusion, uncertainty, and pain, Kehlani learns new lessons from each relationship. In a period of transition, she does not veer away from nor dilute previously established themes. Instead, as she becomes a mother, she grows, refines, and clarifies her understanding.
These ideas are further strengthened, retaining a similar vibrancy and versatility as her previous works in her sophomore album It Was Good Until It Wasn’t (IWGUIW), currently one of her most cohesive projects to date. Released just over a year after the birth of her daughter, Kehlani still refuses to hold back, as demonstrated by the precision and directness in her tracks on the album. Her past has made her who she is and she embraces exactly that, refusing to hold back. She does not shy away from the apocalyptic nature – further exemplified by the album cover – of relationships and loss in the album. And while the album’s undercurrents are much more somber than her previous raw-but-wistful projects, Kehlani once again reclaims the experiences and showcases her vulnerability as her greatest asset. WWW was just a glimpse into how motherhood transformed her; IWGIUW demonstrates how she translates her maternal wisdom into a new sense of clarity and outlook as she liberates herself from the uncertainties, burying the pain and loss.
In the first track of the album, Kehlani re-explores an unhealthy relationship, aptly naming the track Toxic. Immediately she admits that they are both at fault in the slow trap song, singing,
“Damn right, we take turns bein’ grown
I get real accountable when I’m alone” (Parrish, 2020, track 1).
But if motherhood has shown her anything, it’s that she has no time to entertain these roller coaster relationships. The bridge culminates with Kehlani crystalizing one of the fundamental issues: she wants stability and the relationship doesn’t give her that,
“Somehow, I’m always caught in your dramatics
All in your acrobatics
You know I want the static” (Parrish, 2020, track 1).
Kahalani doesn’t have time for “dramatics.” She has a daughter and family to look after now. This idea is furthered in the pleading track Bad News, which draws on the relationship between her parents as she implores her partner to change their dangerous lifestyle. With worry and concern in her voice she sings,
“Don’t wanna get no call with no bad news
I know all the stories from your tattoos” (Parrish, 2020, track 3)
Kehlani’s previous projects have established her commitment to her relationships, sometimes even past the point where it can be saved. However, recognizing that she needs to create space for her child, she departs from this mentality in the track Grieving. She somberly documents the extent to which she’s over-committed herself to the relationship in the opening verse:
“Askin’ for space, I’d give my leg for it
I’ve reached a point, it’s like I beg for it
I give my sweat and tears, damn, I bled for it
No one would bet that you would lose me like that
No one would guess I had the strength to fall back” (Parrish, 2020, track 13).
Although she is devoted and cares deeply, Kehlani cannot put herself in that position anymore. Her time and focus has pivoted to her daughter, who supersedes anyone else. Circling back to earlier messages, motherhood provided her with a growth in unexpected ways; she garnered the strength to pull herself away while also recognizing the time and attention she gave, proclaiming
“It’s a merry-go-round from sun-up to sundown
You want me to stay here, mother all your sons now
This sh*t ain’t no fun now
Name a b*tch patient like that
Name a b*tch to cater like that” (Parrish, 2020, track 13).
The second verse solidifies the dismemberment of the relationship: she gave more than most and the tumultuous nature of the relationship has reached her limit. Although the album primarily discusses her romantic relationships, her last track is not her own and instead features Jealous collaborator Lexii Alijai, Lexii’s Outro is dedicated to the late-rapper to honor her legacy. In the track Lexii raps,
“I told her, “This is life, you just gotta wake up and grasp the sh*t,”
huh
Ain’t got no time to make no accidents ‘cause you gotta be
passionate” (Parrish, 2020).
The tribute is reminiscent of the theme of YSBH: value the time and presence you have with people, you never know when it can be taken away. Similarly, while IWGUIW mostly mourns love lost, Kehlani retains hopefulness as she – in collaboration with Jhene Aiko – envision healthier relationships filled with support and success in the fourth track Change Your Life where she raps,
“I’m here to excel with you
Here to break bread with you,
Here to travel the world and sleep in different beds with you
Here to make revenue
Know it’s impressin’ you.” (Parrish, 2020, track 6).
She is ambitious and driven and expects the same from a partner, a sentiment that is similar to FWU. Although the tone of the album starkly contrasts earlier works, the parallels continue, now with a new perspective, aided by her identity as a mother. Kehlani has not forgotten the life lessons she has learned before motherhood, but she has grown and gained an even deeper understanding of them. Through this album, the R&B singer undergoes a healing. The album is a cleansing, leaving the toxicity and turbulence in the past,reminding us that a new beginning is on the horizon.
Conclusion
Kehlani’s work showcases how life informs and shapes our understanding of relationships. By grounding it in psychological theory, the listener can better how Kehlani’s development translates in her art. While the artist has been very transparent about her life and experiences, it is important to note that the conclusions generated in this review are limited, as they are not necessarily confirmed by the singer herself. Emerging adulthood is a confusing and exciting time and the artist helps listeners navigate this period through her intensely personal songs. Through the years, Kehlani has continued to grapple with her experiences utilizing her work as a vessel to accomplish this. Motherhood provided a new perspective and clarity reflected in her songs with an even deeper empathy and emotional intelligence than before. And while her priorities change, she does not forget the lessons she has learned. Her past shaped the person she is today, and she is unapologetic about it. Let’s see where her storytelling takes us next.
References
Arnett, J. J. (2000). Emerging adulthood: A theory of development from the late teens through the twenties. American Psychologist, 55(5), 469–480.
Arnett, J. J. (2004). Emerging adulthood: The winding road from the late teens through the twenties. New York: Oxford University Press.
Arnett, J. J. (2007). Emerging adulthood: What is it, and what is it good for? Child Development Perspectives, 1(2), 68-73.
Erikson, E. H. (1968). Identity: Youth and crisis. New York, NY: Norton.
Laney, E. K., Carruthers, L., Hall, M. E. L., & Anderson, T.L. (2014). Expanding the self: Motherhood and identity development in faculty women. Journal of Family Issues, 35(9), 1227–1251.
Laney, E. K., Hall, M. E. L., Anderson, T L., & Willingham, M. M. (2015). Becoming a mother: The influence of motherhood on women’s identity. Identity, 15(2), 126-145.
Nicolson, P. (1999). Loss, happiness, and postpartum depression: The ultimate paradox. Canadian Psychology, 40(2), 162-178.
Parish, K. (2014). Cloud 19 [CD]. Self-released.
Parish, K. (2020). It Was Good Until It Wasn’t [CD]. Los Angeles, CA: Atlantic.
Parish, K. (2017). SweetSexySavage [CD]. Los Angeles, CA: Atlantic & TSNMI.
Parish, K. (2019). While We Wait [CD]. Los Angeles, CA: Atlantic & TSNMI.
Parish, K. (2015). You Should Be Here [CD]. Los Angeles, CA: TSNMI.
Smith, J. A. (1994). Reconstructing selves: An analysis of discrepancies between women’s contemporaneous and retrospective accounts of the transition to motherhood. British Journal of Psychiatry, 85(3), 371-392.
Click here to return to the Spring 2020 Contents Issue page.
Leave a Reply