“Then, in what may have been quiet recognition that the source of Clementi’s despair was unknown, and may remain unknown, the show barely mentioned Clementi again. Its primary subject was the meanness of middle-school students. [ . . . ] ‘Bullying’ is trying to be a label that covers all negative interrelations between students,’ [Eric Thor] said. ‘If you say the word enough it starts to lose meaning'” (Parker, 2012, p. 39) from “The Story of a Suicide.”
As a former sixth grade teacher, I felt this struggle at least once a week. I would either witness negative interactions between students in person, or a student would admit to me privately that some students were harassing them. In these instances, when I was already stressed by curriculum and deadlines and grading and policies and arbitrary “to-do’s” from administration, I was often baffled about how to handle the situation. In the classroom, it’s easy enough to shut down or publicly let the student(s) know the words or actions they just said or did are unacceptable. While that step is crucial and sends a message to the entire class, it shouldn’t stop there. However, I rarely had the energy, courage, or wisdom to follow-up with the incident. In the event that a student approached me privately about an issue, I would often feel exasperated, like, “Ugh, another issue for me to deal with.”
However, as I read this horrific story about Tyler Clementi, the emotional impact on me made me regret every “missed opportunity” to intervene. On the other hand, I’m trying not to blame myself. After all, as a first- and second-year teacher, nobody expects you to excel in every aspect of the job. The fundamental task of teaching is difficult enough! Thus, I question the approach taken by educators as a whole.
This passage that I pulled from the article highlights how shallow anti-bullying initiatives are in school. When an outbreak of bullying occurred in our school in my first year, all advisories participated in a “tolerance” unit that we hoped would curb the racially charged bullying happening in our hallways and cafeteria (in particular, the use of racial and homophobic slurs). While it did open up their eyes slightly to the heavy weight of some of the words they had been throwing around, it still was a surface-level attempt to plant a seed in them for compassion and empathy for others (even and especially those who “differ” from us).
I think schools often approach bullying by vaguely alluding to certain trends instead of confronting specific words and actions. One of the most meaningful experiences I had in high school was a guest speaker who came to us and bluntly addressed bullying, sexual harassment, drug and alcohol use, and other touchy topics. He did not “skirt around” difficult issues or avoid “taboo” words. He had the whole school engage in activities that forced us to take responsibility for our actions. For example, he had everyone confront a person they had bullied and apologize to that person. The student body was in tears and the whole school took on a different energy for the rest of the year. Not only did it truly open our eyes to the effect our words and actions have on others, but it united us as a community–one that cares for its members.
My apologies for the lengthy post. 🙂