“Internalizing the notion that women should be sexual objects for men, they [girls] are more likely to associate with boys who share that view” (Goodman, 2018, pg. 100).

What about young women, or young people that aren’t seeking affection or attention from cisgender, straight men/boys/masculine people? How does the sexual objectification of young women affect the behaviors and experiences of Transgender and Gender Non-Conforming young people? Especially in terms of what we define as gender ‘pass-ability’? Are we all trying to ‘pass’ in some ways? Additionally, how does internalized sexual objectification affect Queer youth? How do young people survive and shape themselves within this deep and rigid binary? I ask these questions from an academic research perspective, but I also ask myself these questions to help decipher my own internalized misogyny as a Queer, cisgender woman who didn’t come out until her mid 20s.

Growing up I thought because I looked one way, and gravitated towards femininity, I obviously had to be attracted to cisgender men. It was very recently that I fell in love with someone of the same gender and entered a same gender relationship. As I witness and observe myself I ask what if I had seen a feminine lesbian in a movie, tv show or story book? Would I have been more open to the idea that I could be attracted to, and form a relationship with someone other than Prince Charming? By no means did I feel closeted growing up, the thought just never entered my mind that I could find love with someone of the same gender, because Queer relationships, especially Queer femme relationships, were so invisible to me. I didn’t play sports, I didn’t have short hair and I had ‘womanly’ curves – how could I be a lesbian? Because externally my gender and behavior was intelligible, I internalized sexual objectification and did a great job performing feminine archetypes. Now, it is crazy to me that socialization, gendered behavior norms and lack of representation affected my perspective of myself so deeply that I wasn’t aware of my own Queerness.