“Thick culture explanations reveal, furthermore, that our blindness to boys’ friendships as well as to why they lose their close relationships is due to the fact that we live in a culture that does not place much value on friendships.” (Way, P 27)
“Staying in the thick of it leads us to understand that we live in a culture where core human capacities such as emotional expression, responsiveness, empathy, and needs such as intimate friendships as givens sex and a sexuality”(Way, P29)
In the article, the author notices a pattern of friendship among boys. As boys approach or reach the
late adolescence, they lose the intimate friendship. Usually girls experience the lose too, but in an earlier age. The reason is that friendships are devalued in American culture and given sex and a sexuality.
Personally, I partially agree with it. As an outsider, who is not US citizen and only have been staying in this land for one year and a half, I do not understand American culture well, but I do think Americans value friendships and social networks. Parents schedule play time or play day for their kids so they can play with their friends. At school, teachers partner boys with girls to allow enough interaction between different genders. There are so many value of friendship quotes, like “True friendship is like sound heath, the value of it is seldom known until it is lost ”by C C Colton. So it is hard for me to believe that friendships are not valued in American culture.
I do agree with the second half of the conclusion. To some extent, China shares the same idea. If the boys have to many female friends, or always get involved in girls groups, they are more likely be considered girlish and less masculine. But what is interesting is that if girls have many male friends, they tend to be viewed as having a good personality and being popular, which can lead to jealousy from girls . Definitely, some people think the girls have too frequent interaction with boys are too “open”. Overall, there is less stigma associated with girls than boys. There is deep rooted gender stereotype or social norms for different genders. Males are expected to be masculine, and they should hold it and keep it to themselves if they face difficulties. They are not expected to express their emotions and share their thoughts with peers when they approach the world of manhood, which contributes the loss of friendships. In China, we always say that the love of Father is like mountain, while the love of mother is like water. As a kid, I was educated that fathers should be silent, deep, strict and it was totally if there is less interaction between fathers and daughters, which I know are not true any more later.
It is still important for educators to teach kids how to view genders and get the right ideas of expressing their thoughts and enjoy friendships.