Drawing from years of research, Eliot concludes ‘infant brains are so malleable that small differences at birth become amplified over time, as parents, teachers, peers, and the culture at large unwittingly reinforce gender stereotypes . . . Girls are not naturally more empathetic than boys, they are just allowed to express their feelings more.'” (Way, 2011, p. 28)
This quote really highlights how from a very small age, children are psychologically impacted by the culture that surrounds them. As discussed in the article, boys are just as in need of male friendships as girls are in need of female friendships. They provide security, stability, and an outlet for students–whether they need to confide in someone, let out steam, ask for advice, or just have someone to talk to and laugh with, a friend can provide this support.
What was really eye-opening was the discussion of how cultural and societal expectations, or “norms,” have such great impacts on boys’ feelings when it comes to their male friendships. It’s not that boys don’t need male friendships, that they’re not emotionally attuned to others, or that they don’t get hurt when a friend betrays them–it’s just that society expects boys to internalize their feelings and emotions, and put off a “brave” image. Their emotional development gets cut short because of the cultural expectations that have been so ingrained. What was also striking is how the image of male friendship has changed so drastically over the century. The article mentions how the introduction of words such as “homosexual” greatly impacted how boys and males feel about and view their friendships, as summarized in the following: “Manhood was not threatened by physical [or emotional] intimacy
because the word homosexual was not in the nineteenth century vocabulary. Individuals did not self-consciously worry about their behavior. They did not fear same-sex relationships. In addition, the culture as a whole did not stigmatize the behavior” (Way, 2011, p. 31). Thus, the question is, in a society where these “norms” are so culturally ingrained, how do we take steps to change this mindset and perspective? What can we do, starting in the community, in schools, etc. and then as a larger society?
That last question is one I think about all the time too. My brothers and I were raised exactly the same way, by our very sensitive and affectionate mother, yet of course I’m much more open about my emotions than my brothers. My dad is very closed off emotionally, so I’m sure that’s had some effect on my brothers in their early development. The male-centered fear of being thought of as gay tends to go hand in hand with this so called “toxic masculinity”. I’ve always found it interesting how in our society, female friends can be very close and affectionate without anyone questioning either girl or woman’s sexuality, whereas when boys or men do the same thing, their sexuality is often questioned. I’m always glad to see men do their part of breaking those barriers, and showing they can be affectionate or emotionally open with their male friends while remaining comfortable with themselves, regardless of sexual orientation.