“Leigh felt she could talk to Julie about anything, even “feeling pushed away” by her mother. Julie also felt that it had been vital during this time that Leigh had someone “outside the family… to talk to that doesn’t judge a lot.” Leigh say a link between being able to “spill everything out” with Julie and her overall sense of competence.” (P. 147, Rhodes, David, Prescott & Spencer, 2007)

The quotes above remind me of my experience as an informal mentor of a 16-year-old girl. Isabella was a 9th grade student in China. I was a teacher of an afterschool training program that helps students who want to study abroad prepare standard tests such as TOEFL and SAT. She was attending this program but not in my class. One day the supervisor told me that I need to tutor a student who after 6 months’ preparation in this program got 56 out 120 for her first TOEFL test. The average score in her TOEFL class was 80; she was left behind. I was also told that Isabella had some psychological problems: she once used a knife to cut her arms.

Then I became her one-on-one tutor. We met on a regular basis – twice a week. Gradually, she developed her trust in me. She began to share her feelings with me; most of the feelings were negative. For example, she told me she did not like to study in her TOEFL class, because she didn’t like to compete with others. She felt anxious to see others were doing well. She told me that her mother had high expectations for her, and she was did not believe in herself. She told me that she hated the girls in her class who were richer, prettier and had better performance than her. Those are her hidden feelings that she previously had no one to share with. I gave her support and advice on how to deal with the problems. I gave her encouragement and modeled how to be a positive person and focus on positive things in her life. For most of time in our tutoring class, we were not talking about TOEFL preparation but were talking about emotions and attitude. I found out when she had confidence in herself, she was not the “lazy” girl who had seldom finished homework. I found she had many strengths, such as having autonomy to study when the goal is clear and achievable. After half a year of tutoring, she got 100 for her second TOEFL test, and got 105 for her third TOEFL test.

When I left China early this year, she was sad, but I know she is not the girl who was filled with negative feelings anymore. She is confident and diligent. Several months ago, she texted me that she has applied for Cornell University Undergraduate Program which is her dream university that she mentioned many times to me.

I think I can write a book about stories of us, because there is so much to share. I agree with the reading that mentoring can promote positive development for adolescents.