Reading this very scientific article, I couldn’t help but make many personal connections; as such, with your permission, this blog post will make occasional references to my life.

The first MVP to capture my attention was:

“Maturationist models assume that a period of diminished closeness and heightened conflict accompanies adolescent maturation and that these perturbations continue until parent-adolescent relationships and roles are renegotiated” p. 4

This passage, in my opinion, encompasses the main idea of Laursen and Collins’ article: the conflicts that arise between teens and their parents are natural and necessary and serve to reestablish the roles that each party carries in the parent-child relationship. This shift in roles is essential in maintaining a healthy relationship and level of communication between the two. Without this reestablishment, the teen remains confined to his or her childhood role which 1) can hinder his or her maturity and 2) can cause even more conflict between him or her and the parents.

The fact that conflict arises between teens and parents is not surprising, especially in North America. I can recall many instances where friends would complain about how their parents are lame or unfair or too strict. However, I couldn’t help but think of my own experience as a teenager: I do not think I ever went through a “phase” as an adolescent. I never experienced the fighting with or lashing out towards my parents. In fact, I often noticed how my parents’ friends would comment on how “lovely” I am as a child (I am not saying this to toot my own horn, it is simply an observation to say I never fought back). I know that my mother is extremely liberal and forward thinking: she gave me freedom before I wanted it—for example, she sent me to study abroad for a year during my sophomore year of high school—she always openly spoke of sex and relationships, and she never said “no” to anything I wanted to do. Looking back, I never put her in a position where she had to say no, where my desires put me in danger or compromised my best interest. My rash behavior may have been due to my personality, my upbringing, or the way my mother gave me my space.

The interesting part, though, is that my “phase” kicked in once I turned 20 years old. In my mind I was not unreasonable at all as I considered myself an adult, but my mother—my main caregiver—deemed herself entitled to raise me in the same manner as she did before. Because of this article, I can attribute this late-onset conflict to the fact that we never reestablished our familiar roles during my teenage years.

While reading, I thought of what could have been the root cause for this late-onset conflict. I believe it may be related to the fact that my parents are immigrants from Iran. Let me explain myself. In Persian culture, respect towards parents is paramount. There is no talking back or saying “no” to their requests. It has been so internalized that it isn’t even questioned among youth. I do believe that respect is extremely important and the behavior I see from my peers towards their parents surprises me at times. Due to my upbringing in a Persian household, it is very possible that this is cause of my pleasant teenage years. I came across another MVP that seemed to perfectly summarize my thoughts:

“Different cultures foster sometimes contrasting views of parent-adolescent relationships. For Korean adolescents, stick parental control signifies parental warmth and low neglect, whereas middle-class adolescents in North America typically regard the same behavior from parents as repressive.” p. 34

So what happens to children of immigrant parents? Children who are born in the United States to immigrant parents? What values do they hold? Do they abide by their parents’ desires or adopt the North American style?

From my personal experience, conflicts are often less heard of in immigrant households; however, in my case, the conflict did arise, just late. The reestablishment of roles was imminent, just delayed. The renegotiation of roles is what returned the amity.