“But equally important may be the role of a female friend, a potential, if not actual “girlfriend”. Five of the high school shooters had what they felt was serious girl trouble, especially with rejection. It may be that they boys who are best able to resist the torments of incessant bullying, gay-baiting, and marginalization are those who have some girls among their friends, and perhaps even a girlfriend – that is, girls who can also validate their sense of masculinity (which other boys can do as well) as well as their heterosexuality (which boys alone cannot do)” (Kimmel 108)

I chose this excerpt from Michael Kimmel’s piece I am not insane: I am angry, because I could not find myself advocating for what he proposed. Why does the burden of validating a potential school shooter’s sexuality and masculinity fall on females?

This entire reading reminded me of the Elliot Rodger case, where 22-year-old Rodger killed six people in Isla Vista, CA to get revenge on the entirely of the female population for rejecting him. It is not on the shoulders of women to befriend and give attention to men because they’ll be scared he’ll bring a gun to school the next day if they don’t. What Kimmel should have further addressed instead, is this crippling idea of masculinity that has been perpetuated through the media. It’s this idea of needing to be a rugged and handsome man that’s creating school shooters, not females. In addition, I would never advise any of my female students to place herself in the vicinity of a male who seems to be mentally unhinged, as Kimmel tells us was with a number of the 28 school shooters he studied. If as an educator, you see someone that’s “possibly dangerous” (as Seung-Hui Cho’s English professors described him), you need to find him or her professional help. Throwing a female student in their way to give them attention isn’t healthy and is potentially dangerous for that female student.

It’s also disappointing to me that Kimmel would write this because it’s essentially throwing young girls under the bus to accomplish the “greater good”. It is not their fault if they reject a few guys – if they’re not interested, they’re not interested. No one should have to “take one for the team” and date the local school shooter.
I do understand what Kimmel was trying to say in the context of male students that are being bullied because yes, having a genuine friend would have made their lives exponentially better, but then I wish he then addressed bullying as a whole and talked about how educators can create safe spaces or safe communities within schools, instead of trailing off into how we can learn to stroke a man’s ego. The responsibility does not solely fall on females to save the world from shooters by making sure they validate every male they meet.