“…instead of encouraging adolescents to avoid sexual intercourse, the new definition casts a much wider net of proscribed activity: ‘Sexual activity refers to any type of genital contact or sexual stimulation between two persons including, but not limited to, sexual intercourse.’ Apparently in responding to criticism that abstinence previously had not been adequately defined, this updated version creeps into the territory of all things ‘stimulating.’ This broad definition of abstinence removes any possibility for sex education curricula to mention how teens might engage in non-intercourse behaviors, even in an effort to remain ‘technically’ abstinent.”
–Sexuality Education and Desire: Still Missing after All These Years, Michelle Fine, p.308
“At a dance I was at when I was a freshman, one of the chaperones felt she had to have a word with several girls about grinding. ‘It’s like you’re giving the boys a lap dance,’ she said. ‘They’re just using you to rub up against them. What’s in it for you? It’s demeaning and very inappropriate. It’s like sex with clothes on.”
-Eliza Appleton, Red, p.152
Abstinence Only Until Marriage (AOUM) education is a seriously backwards and counterproductive approach towards sex ed in the US. I believe that abstinence-only and ultra-conservative approaches to sex ed will be phased out in the coming generations as past decades’ beliefs about sexuality become less and less agreed with. Obviously there has been a cultural shift in recent decades’ movements of the LGBTQQ community, especially with the very recent marriage equality legislation. Things are not how they once were, and progress is being made. I imagine the dialogue in most high school health classrooms is completely different than it was 25 years ago – hopefully more open, honest, less filled with state-sponsored misinformation, and of course accepting of all sexualities and questions that come with them.
This is an ideal situation. Fine’s article, from 2006 – only about 10 years old – details some shocking information about what the government incentivizes and deems appropriate sex ed. AOUM ed was supposedly widely popularized with the intention of benefiting the health and wellbeing of young people. But data shows that ‘pledging’ abstinence until marriage is not a sustainable goal, and in their lack of knowledge about sex, young people are more susceptible to harm. Students with comprehensive education of sex – and provided with resources such as condoms – are not more likely to engage in sex, but they are more likely to do so responsibly.
In the same discussion, the way sex is framed towards adolescent girls – especially those with disabilities and of lower socioeconomic standing – is inherently guilting and threatening. With the above quote from Appleton in mind, think of times you (regardless of gender) were made to feel in some way ashamed of an expression of sexuality when you were younger. There is a message of burden being put upon [mostly heterosexual] young women – protect yourself from rape, disease, pregnancy. Where is the male incentive? Where is the message that it takes two people to have sex? Both are equal participants in the act! Why isn’t the responsibility treated the same?
The messages we as women receive about sex and sexuality are conflicting and bizarre. Take this possible trajectory:
Age 5: If a boy teases you, it means he likes you.
Age 8: Don’t you want to wear something nice for picture day?
Age 12: Were there boys there? Were the parents home?
Age 16-18: Keep your bedroom door open! What would you want to go on birth control for? Are you going out like that?
20s onward: So are you seeing anyone? How long have you been seeing each other? When’s the wedding? How long have you been married? Have you thought about children? Why not? When’s the next one?
Ad nauseum. (The cultural push for motherhood as a rite of womanhood is another conversation to have, which I could also get pretty incensed about). Basically the previous generations’ miseducation about what is important and true about sex and sexuality has had a trickle-down effect into the present. There are still a lot of misguided messages being purported as fact in the US. We can hope to continue to shift the dialogue to become more and more open and true, to better advise and prepare future generations for sexual enjoyment, safety and responsibility.
This is really amazing insight into sex and sexuality, especially your focus on how it is presented for young women during adolescence. I’ve always found this topic difficult because there has to be a balance between explaining safe sex habits, while not necessarily encouraging students to go out and have sex. I’ve, personally, tried to do more listening on the topic as opposed to “preaching” about what I believe is right or wrong for my students to do. It is always so difficult when put in that situation, as a teacher, because you want to give honest advice without overwhelming your students with your own beliefs and perceptions.
I don’t feel like it’s appropriate for me to condemn them for making their own choices, but I do feel as though it is important to explain all of their options to them before they walk into a situation that they are unprepared for. It’s possible that we, as teachers, need to stop judging our students for their choices and instead focus on ways to keep them safe despite those choices. If a student wants to have sex, they will most likely go out and have sex. Especially if they are curious about it and nobody will inform them about the topic. Let’s inform our students and give them all the information, so then at least if they make a decision it will be a decision that they came too with all the guidance we could provide.