By Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins

Friends, we have a terrible confession we must make: We were wrong. In our mindbogglingly popular Left Behind series of prophetic novels, we told you that the anti-Christ would come in the form of a smooth talking United Nations liberal peace lover. But we were wrong, indeed. Friends, the identity of the anti-Christ is now known — and documented, via the Youtubes — to be that of the corporate entity called Cisco Systems.

“Cisco?” you say. ” ‘The Human Network’?” Exactly. How did we discover this plot? Through “30 Rock,” a godless sitcom on NBC. We were watching it “online” when we caught Cisco’s latest subliminal “advertisement”: “Welcome to a new day,” declares the voice-over of a little girl as the camera races us hurdy-gurdy style on a tour of demonic strongholds such as Hindooism and a Buddhist “monastery.” “Welcome to a place where maps are re-drawn,” continues the ad. Maps are re-drawn?!? Did we not predict this when we wrote that the United Nations was Satan’s Headquarters? We did, my friends, we did, indeed.

But Cisco Systems has not yet revealed its true deviltry. That comes halfway through, an aerial shot of Buddhist whelps on a high plain in Shangri-La, rushing toward a computer as the voice-over declares: “Welcome to a place where books re-write themselves.”

A place where books re-write themselves. Friends, that place is called “1984,” aka, Hades. The Hotspot. The Longest Firewalk. The Eternal Burning Itch. Hellmouth. Tarnation. San Francisco. Whatever you want to call it, it’s hot! So hot, apparently, that words slip out of their places on the page and dance around naked, “re-writing” books the way Cisco Systems tells them to!

In a rare show of anti-Hellfire unity, two heathen writers, Jeff Sharlet and Peter Manseau, authors of a book that really should be rewritten called Killing the Buddha: A Heretic’s Bible, have agreed to collaborate with us in exposing Cisco Systems. Upon reviewing Cisco’s dark manifesto, they note that the commercial is set to the tune of a rock musical grouping called “The Who.” The song? “Baba O’Riley.” To us, it sounded like the hellish fiddle stylings of a Jew dancing with his billy goat, but Sharlet and Manseau, experts in evil undertones, inform us that The Who’s Pete Townsend was a devotee of a cult guru named Meher Baba, chief of the “Baba Lovers,” a Hindoo by birth who claimed to be the reincarnation of Krishna, Jesus, and Fatty Arbuckle. “Baba O’Riley,” say Sharlet and Manseau, was written in tribute to the fabricating fakir.

Sounds pretty weird to us! But let’s review the evidence: Cisco Systems promises a world-uniting, humanistic network in which books re-write themselves. They advertise this network with a song written to honor a false prophet. And what do they call this? “The Evolution of Communications.” (Emphasis God’s.)

Watch, friends, and shiver, for it a cold day in Hell has come at last, and its sponsor is Cisco.

Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins have sold one billion books. Tim LaHaye is the founder of the Council on National Policy, to which John McCain recently made a pilgrimage on bended knee, and the solo author of a book called The Unhappy Gays: What Everyone Should Know About Homosexuality. Then he met Jerry. They are contributing editors to The Regurgitator.