By: Vee Pastore, MPH, MST

Consider what you might actually be seeing—a child who has spent the day navigating countless expectations, masking their feelings, and finally releasing the tension in a safe space at home.

Introduction

Have you ever sat in a parent-teacher conference feeling like the teachers and the families are describing two very different children? In school, the teacher sees an easy-going student who transitions from one task to another smoothly, and follows along with the class without redirection.  At home, parents report a child who storms off the bus each day—sometimes exploding, other times shutting down completely. If that sounds familiar, the child in question may be experiencing after-school restraint collapse (ASRC).

What is ASRC?

After-school restraint collapse (ASRC) refers to when a child seems to cope well throughout the school day but then experiences a significant emotional release—or “collapse”—once they return to a safe space, like home. ASRC can look like an unexpected tantrum, an intense surge of emotion, or difficulty accessing usual coping strategies. Parent and therapist Andrea Brambila explains, “Long days away from your favorite people are hard for little brains. Combine that with underdeveloped emotional regulation, and it’s no wonder there are more meltdowns” (@brambila_bits, 2025).

Although academic research on ASRC is limited, much of what we know comes from parent accounts and clinical observations. The phenomenon is widely recognized: after-school restraint collapse is a very real response to the effort of “holding it together” all day. So when a parent describes their “screaming monster,” consider what you might actually be seeing—a child who has spent the day navigating countless expectations, masking their feelings, and finally releasing the tension in a safe space at home.​​

Why is this happening? 

In a dynamic environment like school, students must navigate shifting social rules, changing expectations from adults, constant cognitive demands, overwhelming sensory input, and often insufficient accommodations. For neurodivergent children, who may process these experiences differently than their peers, the school day can feel especially taxing.

When students have spent hours bottling up feelings and suppressing their needs, they often release their “true emotions” once they reach a safe space. Andrea Loewen Nair, the counsellor and parenting educator who coined the term after-school restraint collapse (ASRC), emphasizes that every child experiences this release differently. Some may become tearful and withdrawn, while others erupt in yelling, throwing objects, or lashing out verbally. These behaviors are not signs of a “bad kid” or poor parenting, but indicators that the child has reached their limit and needs support.

Although much of the conversation around ASRC focuses on elementary-aged children, teenagers and adults can experience it as well—highlighting that this is a universal response to prolonged stress and emotional suppression.

The Dangers of Masking

On any given school day, children may suppress difficult emotions, mask sensory discomfort, keep struggles to themselves, and say “yes” when they really mean “no.” For autistic students, this often takes the form of masking—suppressing aspects of themselves to appear more neurotypical in environments not designed with their needs in mind. While masking can function as a survival strategy, it often takes a serious toll on mental health, causing exhaustion, burnout, anxiety, depression and loss of identity (Simply Psychology, 2025).

Whether the challenges children perceive during the school day are major or minor, the body’s “alarm system” responds the same by releasing stress hormones and activating the fight-or-flight response. When students don’t feel safe enough to be their authentic selves, they may begin to mask their neurodivergent traits—a common experience autistic people describe in navigating a non-autistic world, often starting as early as elementary school.

Managing stressors and reducing the need for masking is crucial for the well-being of neurodivergent children. And, it’s up to the adults in their lives—educators, caregivers, and parents—to recognize triggers, create safe spaces, and provide the support that helps students move through a demanding school day without carrying the hidden burden of pretending to be “okay” all day.

 

5 Tips to Support ASRC 

Kids don’t need adults to “fix” their moods—they need us to ride out big feelings alongside them and help them manage their energy until they’re ready to do it on their own. Beyond building predictable routines, teachers and caregivers can adjust expectations and be prepared to co-regulate with students when needed.

Here are five neurodivergent-affirming practices trusted adults can use to support children experiencing after-school restraint collapse:

 

Give Space/Time 

• At school, students who are prone to ASRC would benefit from consistent access to a break area so that they can unmask and regulate their overactive nervous systems. Providing this option proactively—rather than only after a meltdown—helps students feel safer and more in control.
• At home, children who arrive on the verge of exploding or imploding often need immediate time to decompress in their “safe space.” Before expecting them to talk, engage, or transition into family routines, give them quiet. A sensory-friendly area equipped with calming tools—such as soft lighting, weighted blankets, or fidgets—can help ground them until they’re ready to reconnect.

 

Connect & Co-regulate

• At school, while teachers may not be able to provide the same physical comfort as a caregiver, they can attune to students’ arousal states and offer co-regulation throughout the day. This might look like using a calm tone, modeling steady breathing, or simply sitting nearby to signal safety and presence.
• At home, children benefit from knowing their big feelings are seen and accepted. Validating their emotions and offering comfort—even if a hug or cuddle is declined—shows them you recognize how hard the transition home can be. Some kids may want a parent to read aloud, sit close, or provide hands-on calming support, while others may need time to settle before they can accept this connection.

 

Refuel 

• At school, hunger and dehydration make it much harder for students to focus and participate. Teachers can support regulation by ensuring students eat their lunch, building consistent snack times, and providing regular access to water and bathrooms throughout the day.
• At home, caregivers can help by offering water and nutrient-rich snacks right after school. Meeting these basic physical needs first can prevent further dysregulation and give children the energy they need to settle, reconnect, and recover from the day.

 

Limit Demands

• At school, teachers and practitioners can learn to recognize students’ triggers and reduce unnecessary demands before stress escalates. Prioritizing regulation over compliance helps prevent meltdowns and creates space for students to recover their energy.
• At home, regulation should come before responsibilities. Homework, chores, and even enjoyable activities can wait until a child is calmer and more settled. If after-school commitments like sports or lessons are part of the routine, consider scheduling them later in the day to allow time for decompression first.

 

Movement

• At school, scheduling regular movement breaks gives all students a chance to reset, release energy, and “get back into their bodies.” This can look like stretching, dancing, or other brief physical activities built naturally into the day.
• At home, families can encourage play, outdoor time, or simple physical activity to help children discharge stress. Movement lowers cortisol, supports regulation, and makes it easier for kids to transition into calmer states after a demanding day.

 

These neurodivergent-affirming practices honor children’s experiences, reduce the hidden burdens of masking, and help them navigate a challenging day with greater resilience, understanding, and care. The next time you notice a student quietly complying in class—or see your own child run off the bus in tears—remember: they’ve been working incredibly hard all day. In those moments, what they need isn’t correction or instruction, but patience, understanding, and support to help them regulate, recover, and feel safe.