While holding hands and making commitments on the red carpet, no couple would expect that one day they will reach the end of their marriage and sign the divorce agreement. Although it may seems like an unexpected event, divorce is not an instant decision but often results from problems accumulated over time. Genevive Clapp, a counselor working at the Superior Court of California and specializes in divorce issues, divide the divorce process into three stages: the birth of the idea of divorce, readaptation to the single status, and subsequent adjustment to a new life (1992). Each stage is elaborated below.
- Preseparation: What happened to our marriage?
The cause of a divorce is often not a single event. Rather, such an outcome is often the result of twists and turns in the marriage that build up over years (Clapp, 1992). From the thought of divorce to taking action, couples experience feelings of struggle, hesitation, and reluctance (Clapp, 1992). While this process and the experience of different emotions can be lengthy, the post-divorce phase is also a long process of both parties facing this change and attempting to adjust to their new life.
- Transition-restructuring: From pain to adaptation
After divorce, individuals experience feelings of trauma, confusion, and loss, often to a greater extent than other events in their lives (Clapp, 1992). Specifically, Clapp advances that their experiences can be divided into psychological and physiological levels (1992).
- Psychological level: Divorce can lead to feelings of anger, conflict, pain, losing charm, and worthlessness in all aspects of life (Clapp, 1992). The party who initiates the divorce may experience conflicting feelings of love, hate, and guilt toward the partner, while the latter may feel humiliated, angry, and resentful, but still look forward to getting back together (Clapp, 1992).
- Physiological level: Previous research ranked divorce second on the social readjustment rating scale, only after the death of a spouse (Holmes & Rahe, 1967). It was suggested that when a person faces the end of their marriage, their physiological process is like facing the death of a relative (Hozman & Froiland, 1977; Monden et.al., 2015). Furthermore, previously healthy divorced individuals have been found to be significantly more likely to experience death, disease, and a weakened immune system after divorce (Hozman & Froiland, 1977).
- Recovery-rebuilding: Towards a new life
While it is not easy to accept the separation, divorcees will eventually embark on the journey of rebuilding a new life (Clapp, 1992). The completion of this stage marks their acceptance of divorce, their role in this decision, and their readiness to develop a new self without the marital relationship (Clapp, 1992). As a result, the entanglement between divorced spouses is loosened while a new, independent self-identity is being formed (Berman & Turk, 1981).
I find Clapp’s theory ambitious, as she tackles the divorce process from both practical and emotional aspects. After all, divorce is not the end of love and life. Leaving an inappropriate relationship also symbolizes the opening of a new window into one’s life, and the process of relief and adaptation is inevitable. Nonetheless, a new stage of life will emerge from this process, allowing the individual to embrace this outcome and ultimately move on.
References
Berman, W. H., & Turk, D. C. (1981). Adaptation to divorce: Problems and coping strategies. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 43(2), 179–189. https://doi.org/10.2307/351428
Bloom, B. L., Asher, S. J., & White, S. W. (1978). Marital disruption as a stressor: A review and analysis. Psychological Bulletin, 85(4), 867–894. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.85.4.867
Clapp, G. (1992). Divorce and new beginnings: An authoritative guide to recovery and growth, solo parenting, and stepfamilies. Wiley.
Holmes, T. H., & Rahe, R. H. (1967). The social readjustment rating scale. Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 11(2), 213–218. https://doi.org/10.1016/0022-3999(67)90010-4
Hozman, T.L., & Froiland, D.J. (1977). Children: Forgotten in Divorce. The Personnel and Guidance Journal, 55(9), 530-533. https://doi.org/10.1002/j.2164-4918.1977.tb05240.x
Monden, C. W., Metsä-Simola, N., Saarioja, S., & Martikainen, P. (2015). Divorce and subsequent increase in uptake of antidepressant medication: A Finnish registry-based study on couple versus individual effects. BMC Public Health, 15(1), 1-8. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12889-015-1508-9