A. Concept and Story
The concept was born from a poem I wrote when I was 16, which expresses my depressing thoughts and feelings. I think it’s a topic actually related to everyone, about dark feelings and hard times. As for me, of course, this topic has another significant meaning. I want others to have a deeper understanding of how people with depression feel through my work, as this group of people is often misunderstood by others in daily life. There are already a lot of videos or short films released to the public, but from the perspective of a real patient, I feel many of the videos are still misinterpreting depression, which is a harrowing fact. Therefore, I want to do something for the group, more precisely to say, for us.
I’m not trying to make a film that has each scene corresponding to the imagery in each line of the poem but trying to make one that corresponds to the poem’s overall conception and emotions. In this way, this whole film is a visual metaphor for the whole poem.
The video has two storylines: one is the character writing the poems, and the other one is the scenes she recalls when she’s writing the poem.
(The original poem and translation can be found here. If you are interested in the background when I wrote it, here is another prose written in the same period.)
B. Creation Process & Execution
I decided on the visuals I‘m going to highlight in the film based on my real experiences, and then I drew a draft of the storyboards. After determining the shooting site, I re-drew a version of detailed storyboards which basically correspond to every shot I plan to shoot (there’re a few scenes that hadn’t been drawn before shooting but I have them on my mind). The storyboards were also used as the function of a shot list and checklist on the shooting site. Inspired by the site, I also created a few new shots that were not in the original plan after the crew got there. (Storyboards can be found at the end of the documentation.)
I selected an Airbnb house as the shooting site, which had dark color composition and vintage style because these elements would fit the film’s heavy tone. And its layout generally fitted the scenes’ required setting in my storyboards. During shooting, because the site’s natural lighting was awful, I had to rely on artificial lighting which was totally artificial. I set an LED lighting tube outside the window to create a visual of the dawn and used flashlights from two cellphones to make elaborate lighting that was needed in several scenes. I also rented other two LED lighting panels in case of need but they weren’t used in the actual shooting. Because my camera operator (my only crew member for this project) barely had former experience in shooting and lighting, I needed to show her how to operate the camera and lighting equipment concretely for each shot, and then she copied my example. Though the process took a longer time than I thought, her shots gave me many surprises.
The challenges during the shooting were mainly the battery problem. My camera only had one battery and it ran out three times during our shooting. I considered renting one more battery when mine ran out for the first time, but it was too late and there was no delivery anymore. The shooting crew (fortunately only two people including me) could only wait there till it got recharged. And sometimes the camera operator couldn’t achieve the visual effects planned in my storyboards, I just kept patient and led her to try more times to make the shots in the end. I would also adjust my way of acting based on the last footage. It was a work of practice. Moreover, there was a safety issue I forgot to consider for the bathroom scene. I arranged the scene to the end of our shooting because it was the most difficult and complex one. During the shooting, the floor got very slippery because of the water, and the camera operator needed to stand on a chair to shoot one shot. We could only make the shot as fast as possible in case of any danger. Even though, I still slipped on the floor for shooting this. I think one more assistant would be helpful for such scenes, and the crew needs to prepare our own firm ladder next time.
For the audio, I translated my poem into English to be the voice-over script and chose an Icelandic musician – Olafur Arnalds’ work to be the background music (Fyrsta – Olafur Arnalds). This music choice depends on its tone and pacing, which means its tone needs to be kind of heavy and its pacing should fit my storyboards’ pacing – their climax should basically start at the same time. The first recording of the voice-over was made before our shooting, it gave us a general idea of how long the film should be at the end. Our first recording’s left and right pans were not balanced and I adjusted them later. But in the end, due to the change in my poem’s translation, I re-recorded the voice-over after the video was basically done and tried to make the tone and intonation more proper.
The editing technique was mainly to fit the audio’s pacing and the visual’s pacing, making them harmonious together. The shots were numerous so it was a big project to make the final editing in the end. I’m glad I made it, though it really took a long time. I was already a kind of skilled editor and I didn’t use many new techniques in this video. One new strategy I used was to put different versions of clips in different tracks of video/audio on Premiere and then compare the different combinations multiple times, finally making the decision. The whole process of editing was one more valuable practice for me.
C. Credits
I’m the director, screenwriter, and actor in this project. I’m responsible for designing all the shooting details and making artistic and technical decisions for this project.
My crew member Joy held the post of camera operator. She also contributed a lot during the shooting. I appreciated her assistance and her optimism, which really radiated me a lot. In the beginning, after we arrived at the shooting site and found that the natural lighting was really awful and couldn’t be used at all, I got kind of overwhelmed because I felt very insecure about making the entire video with artificial lighting, she encouraged me and told me there was certainly a way to work it out. Her optimism encouraged me and helped me face the shooting soon again. Even though she didn’t have much shooting experience, she never gave up and kept trying over and over again with me to get the best effects. Thanks to her, this film project could become a satisfactory work in the end.
D. Aesthetic & Results
The shooting used Canon EOS R6, RF 24-105mm to produce this full-frame short film. The shots are mainly close-ups and medium shots, as they are “close” to the audience, which can build a connection between the character and the audience, raising the audience’s sympathy for her. Most of the close-ups are planned to be hand-held as the technique can create a sense of presence for the audience, making them better immerse in the scenes.
For capturing the depressing emotions, I decided the environment setting needs to be dim for creating a repressive atmosphere. The overall color choice is also cold and dark for fitting the concept and story. Considering cinematography, our costume choice needs to have a little contrast to help the character stand out from the scenes. That’s why the costume is a white dress. The dark green and white work together, helping create a sorrowful tone.
For addressing the character’s mental problem, the outside of the window should be bright and the inside room where the character is living should be dark in the film’s design. In this way, the film can indicate that there is no difference between the outside day and night for the protagonist who’s mostly living in her inner world, showing that she’s shutting herself down in the room and feels the darkness is the only safe place for her.
I think the aesthetics of this short film are successful as it received plenty of positive comments. Though I would like to keep both two versions of having subtitles and no subtitles, for the reason that I always feel the subtitles somehow disturb the visual, in another sense, I admit the subtitles can help the audience to synthesize the word and image on their mind.
My inspiration is related to my own experience and my former works that explore similar topics.
Storyboards:
