by Oyindamola Shoola
Stress Warning: The following contains material relating to domestic violence, sexual assault, harassment, rape, abortion, and trauma in no particular order, which may be triggering to victims and survivors.
This is how to walk at night when a stranger is walking slyly behind but you do not want to offend them by running | This is how you run if you are certain they will rape you | This is why you need to lose weight to be able to run fast | This is why you should be fat so you won’t be too appealing | This is why your body size won’t really matter | This is how you hold your phone tight with your finger ready to make an emergency call if they grab your body | This is how you hold a key between your ring finger and your middle finger or your middle finger and your index finger in case someone grabs you | This is why you need to always carry pepper spray | This is how to fight if there is more than one rapist | This is how to scream, yell, cry or blow a rape whistle | This is how to stay calm if no one is coming to rescue you | This is how fighting increases your survival chances | These are the other things you will need to survive | This is how a rapist looks | This is how a rapist could also look | You can’t really tell just by looking at them but you should trust your instincts | Your rapist could look like family | Your rapist could be family | This is how to dress to not get raped | This is why you should not go out alone at night | This is why you should not go out at night at all | This is how to fight if a rapist comes into your house | This is how to fight if the rapist lives in your house | “If you were already fucking them how can they rape you?” | This is how to not get hurt | This is how not to struggle so it won’t hurt that much | This is how to consent | This is how to react | This is how to talk about rape | This is how to be silent | This is who to tell | This is who to tell if it is a family member | This is why they will call a family meeting instead of calling the police | This is how to answer the question “were you raped?” or “were you raped-raped?” | It can’t be rape if you are not a virgin | This is why you should only talk to God about it | “If you believe in God, why didn’t He protect you?” | This is why it could have been part of God’s plans | This is why you should forgive | This is why your silence will give your rapist another opportunity | This is how to report your rapist if they are famous | This is how much a rape case settlement costs | This is why it will seem like you are blackmailing them | This is the politically correct way to discuss your rape on social media | #metoo | #metoomovement | #saynotorape | This is when to come out about your experience | “Have you considered learning boxing or karate just in case?” | This is how to be emotional about it | This is how not to be too emotional about it | This is how to look on the bright side | This is the bright side | This is how to abort a child | This is why you shouldn’t abort a child | This is how the child can be a blessing | This is why the child is a curse | This is why you should call yourself a survivor not a victim | This is why you should say “the rapist” instead of “my rapist” | “It is time to move on!” | This is how to write rape poems | This is how to write rape jokes | This is the best comedian with rape jokes | This is how to laugh about rape jokes | This is how to not take rape jokes too seriously | This is how to support another person who has been raped | This is how to be close enough to help but not so close that their depression rubs off on you | This is how to tell your story to comfort another victim | This is when you show them your poem | This is why you shouldn’t commit suicide | This is how to love yourself after | This is how to know if your lover has been a victim survivor | This is why they won’t let you touch them like that | This is why you need empathy because it could have been your daughter, sister, mother, or you | This is what to say to comfort them | This is how to say “I understand” and mean it | This is how to tell them to “avoid being raped the next time” without hurting their feelings | This is how to divert the conversation if it makes you feel uncomfortable | This is how to believe that there is always an ending to a bad story
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indamola Shoola is a writer, and the Co-founder of SprinNG, a non-profit dedicated to revitalizing Nigerian literature. She has published 5 books and plans to pursue a Masters in Creative Writing at Emerson College in the fall of 2020. She will be graduating with a bachelor’s degree in social sciences, concentration – Organizational Behavior and Change in May 2020. www.shoolaoyin.com