We Are Natural Allies

I want to change the conversation. For decades we talked about parents as deficient. Thankfully we are at least in our second decade of documenting and noting and promoting the ways in which parents are not. Yet our national discourse is still weighed down by rhetoric that shows a profound lack of respect for one another. I believe this is because our focus has been in the wrong place. We now have quite a number of books and articles that tell us families are more than bake sale planners, that they should be involved in making decisions, etc. But for all this advice, I am still asked by most principals and school leaders I meet for ideas on how to get their families more engaged. Why? Because the rift between families and schools is caused by a fundamental gap in relational understanding. It all comes down to relationship. Families don’t feel respected or seen, teachers don’t feel respected or seen, administrators may feel respected but certainly not seen…and the children are stranded in an ecosystem laden with mistrust and misunderstanding, rather than in a nurturing space where the adults agree to conspire together to give the children their best chance. I argue that the foundation for this agreement, this silent contract to be a team on behalf of the child is respect. Within respect there is trust and mutual admiration. Within respect, families and teachers see one another as natural allies, rather than natural enemies.