It’s not something that many of us want to think about. But it’s also something we will encounter. Grieving the loss of a loved one is part of life. And it’s the toughest part of life for many of us too. So how do you get through it?
Grief is usually experienced when you lose a loved one. But you can also feel grief when something significant happens in your life, like a divorce or your child leaving home. It can be crushing, all-consuming and feel impossible to overcome. But there are ways through it.
The Stages of Grief
Grief is often described as a series of stages, but it’s important to remember that these stages are not linear. They don’t follow a strict order, and you might find yourself revisiting certain stages at different times. The stages of grief, as defined by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
In the initial stage of denial, you may feel numb or believe that the loss isn’t real. This is a common defense mechanism that helps to buffer the immediate shock. It’s your mind’s way of pacing yourself through the emotional turmoil.
Anger often follows, and it can manifest in many ways. You might feel anger towards yourself, others, or even the person who has passed. This anger is a natural part of grief and, while difficult, is an expression of the deep pain you’re experiencing.
Bargaining involves the “what if” and “if only” statements, as you grapple with the helplessness of your situation. It’s your attempt to regain control or prevent the inevitable, often marked by feelings of guilt.
Depression can feel like an endless pit, but it’s critical to acknowledge this stage without self-judgment. It represents the emptiness you feel as you fully acknowledge the reality of the loss.
Acceptance, the final stage, does not mean you’re okay with the loss. Instead, it means you have come to terms with it. You begin to find ways to live with what happened and start to see a path forward.
Self-Care
You really need to take care of yourself during the grieving process. When overwhelmed by emotions, it’s easy to neglect your own needs, but self-care is a crucial step toward healing.
Prioritize rest. Grief is exhausting, both physically and emotionally. Make sure you’re getting enough sleep and allowing yourself time to rest during the day. Listen to your body’s signals and don’t push yourself too hard.
You may have lost your appetite, but try to have regular, balanced meals. Nourishing your body can help stabilize your mood and provide the energy you need to cope.
Exercise, even in small amounts, can be beneficial. A short walk, some stretching, or light yoga can help reduce stress and improve your mood. Physical activity releases endorphins, which can serve as a mood booster.
Find Connection
Connecting with others is an essential part of getting through grief. Sharing your sorrow with others can provide comfort and lessen the burden.
Reach out to family and friends. Don’t hesitate to lean on your loved ones and express what you need from them. Sometimes, simply having someone listen can make a world of difference.
Consider joining a support group. Speaking with others who are experiencing similar feelings can be incredibly validating.
Professional help is also a valuable resource. Therapists and counselors specializing in grief can offer guidance tailored to your individual needs.
Getting Through Probate
Dealing with the legal and financial matters of probate can feel overwhelming after the loss of a loved one. But these practical tasks can also be a part of the grieving and healing process, honoring your loved one’s wishes.
Probate is the legal process of settling the estate of a deceased person, ensuring that debts are paid and assets are distributed according to the will or state law.
There should be a specialist lawyer helping you through this, like this estate lawyer in Vancouver. The first step is to find and review the will, if there is one. This document will guide you through the wishes of the deceased and offer direction on how to proceed. The will often names an executor, a person responsible for managing the estate. If no executor is named, the court will appoint one. This role involves gathering assets, paying debts, and distributing the remaining assets to beneficiaries.
Then you’ll need to file for probate. This involves submitting the necessary documents to the probate court, which may include the death certificate and the will. The court will then officially recognize the executor’s authority.
You’ll need to compile a detailed list of the deceased’s assets, including bank accounts, real estate, investments, and personal belongings. This inventory helps determine the estate’s value and guides the distribution process.
Pay any outstanding debts and taxes owed by the estate are part of the process. This may require liquidating some assets to cover these obligations before distribution to beneficiaries. Finally, once debts are settled, distribute the remaining assets as outlined in the will or by law.
While handling the probate process, it can be helpful to view it as a final act of love and responsibility. By carefully managing your loved one’s affairs, you’re ensuring their legacy is respected.
Honoring Your Loved One’s Memory
Finding ways to honor the memory of your loved one can be both healing and comforting. It allows you to celebrate their life and keep their spirit alive in your heart.
Create a memorial, whether it’s a small shrine at home or a tree planted in their honor. This physical space can serve as a place to reflect and remember the good times.
Share stories and memories. Talking about your loved one helps keep their memory alive and can bring joy amidst the sadness. It also encourages others to share their memories and reflections.
Consider a tribute in their name, such as donating to a cause they cherished or volunteering in their honor. These acts of kindness can bring a sense of purpose and connection to their legacy.
Engage in activities that they loved. Whether it’s cooking their favorite meal or listening to music they enjoyed, these activities can bring comfort and remind you of the bond you shared.
Getting through grief is a deeply personal thing. There are no rules. But you should remember that you will get there.