Children of divorce face unique challenges and struggles that not all people are prepared to support. While divorce has become less frequent during the last few decades, it’s still so common that nearly half of children in the country have (or will have) divorced parents. With these kinds of statistics, it’s vital for parents, teachers, caregivers, and all people who are involved in the lives of children to understand the impact divorce can have on kids of all ages.
The Role of Adults in Supporting Children’s Well-being
While most people focus on the role of parents in the lives of children of divorce, the truth is that many different adults can make a positive impact on these kids. The many caregivers, influences, friends, and relatives involved in each child’s life can help them process their emotions, adjust to their new situation, heal, and move past blame or shame.
Teachers, religious leaders and educators, mentors, and coaches are vital systems of support for children in many different situations. Kids whose parents are separating often feel alienated from them due to shame or blame, and need someone outside of the family to talk to or depend on. Sometimes, parents are so distressed or overwhelmed by their own feelings that they fail to see how the situation is affecting their kids. No matter what the problem, kids depend on these vital secondary sources of encouragement and support.
Other members of the family are also a vital source of support for kids of divorce, especially very young children. Grandparents and other relatives are often able to pour more attention, affection, and time into kids than their parents can provide, especially as they deal with the adjustments that come with a separation. This is vital during times of grief and confusion.
For children who are struggling with a divorce, a situation of abuse, or who need help processing their emotions, visiting with a therapist or attending group therapy sessions could be beneficial. If there are any concerns about the well-being of the children, mental health professionals should be consulted.
Surprisingly, divorce attorneys also play a pivotal role in the lives of children of divorce. By advocating for their client’s parenting rights and the best interests of the child, the best divorce lawyers Arizona or your state can help create parenting plans that prioritize stability, consistency, and open communication. Additionally, they can facilitate mediation, which focuses on cooperation and finding mutually agreeable solutions, rather than adversarial courtroom battles.
The Emotional Impact of Divorce on Children
Divorce can leave children feeling lost and disoriented. The once-stable ground of their family life shifts beneath their feet, causing them to feel confused, lost, unwanted, and displaced. Younger children might struggle to understand why they must shuttle between two homes, while teenagers may grapple with feelings of divided loyalty. Regardless of age, the emotional toll of divorce can be significant, underscoring the need for careful navigation of this challenging terrain. Caregivers, parents, and others who are in the lives of children dealing with divorce should stay vigilant for signs that they are struggling with stress and grief.
Young children are likely to show signs of regression, such as reverting to the behaviors they had when they were younger, baby-talking, or showing attention-seeking behaviors. Children of this age are often confused but unable to thoroughly express their feelings. Caregivers can help young children by allowing them to express their emotions, reinforcing positive behaviors, and ignoring regressions as much as possible. Give plenty of extra attention and affection as they process their feelings.
As children reach the preteen and tween years, divorce can affect them differently. At these ages, kids are old enough to better understand what divorce means, and they start asking themselves different questions. It’s very common for kids to blame themselves for the situation, concluding that somehow, they caused or failed to prevent the separation. Caregivers should reassure children of this age that they did not (and could not) cause their parents to split up. Keep the lines of communication clear, give kids plenty of attention and reassurance, and be vigilant to protect children from adult conversation or negative comments about either parent.
How Legal Processes Can Help Children of Divorce
When parents decide to divorce, determining custody arrangements becomes a central concern. Courts primarily focus on the best interests of the children, considering factors such as each parent’s ability to provide a stable and nurturing environment, the children’s relationship with each parent, and any history of abuse or neglect.
Depending on your jurisdiction, the legal jargon surrounding your court case could include terms such as custody, parenting time, visitation, decision-making, and of course child support. It’s essential to learn which terms are used in your state and understand what they mean. When it’s time to decide on parenting time and visitation, the ideal situation is to decide together how to co-parent and create a plan that the court can agree to. Unfortunately, most separations aren’t ideal and some level of disagreement is common, especially around the emotionally-charged issue of custody.
If you and your spouse disagree on aspects of your case, you can try to resolve your problems through mediation. This is ideal for several reasons. Mediation sessions can be much cheaper than court hearings, and it’s possible that you can mediate without having a lawyer present at all times. Mediation also allows you to be more flexible and creative, finding solutions that will work for both of you. A judge isn’t likely to brainstorm out-of-the-box solutions during court sessions, so working together often results in better solutions for everyone. (Remember, if there has been any abuse, mediation might not be safe.)
Conclusion
Helping children as they go through a family separation can involve supporting them, providing a listening ear, making time for them, or simply trying to help them keep their familiar routines. In many cases, the best way to help separating families is by providing support to the parents through offers of free babysitting, moral support, a listening ear, or a helping hand with housecleaning, cooking, and other chores.