Being responsible for raising a teenager is varying degrees of daunting, although it is also balanced with the wonder of watching a new person begin to come into his or her own fullness. They have their own mannerisms and opinions, and they show glimpses of the adult they will be, in time. They surprise and delight, and horrify, every day, and they can go to extremes in a dizzying flash.
On Monday, a well-groomed young lady will present herself for breakfast, and on Tuesday, a complex mess of tears and conflicting colors will slouch into the breakfast nook and sulk through a slice of toast.
A teenager might even devolve into drug or alcohol addiction, or other harmful behaviors, derailing themselves off the track to adulthood, and needing months or even years of recovery treatment before getting back on track.
Parents will ask, “What did I do?” or “What didn’t I do?” Although there are a number of social factors that will impact teenagers’ behavior, like family dynamics, school environment and the Media, some factors are simply the way the body and brain grow and mature, and parents cannot and should not try to change that process.
What parents can do is understand and gain a better appreciation of the process, and thus be able to support their teenager into maturity, and enable them to make better choices during adolescence.
Limbic Brain
This is the primitive part of the brain, responsible for survival. It develops first, governs emotional reactions, and teenagers rely on this part of the brain more heavily, especially when making decisions. Although there is a complex interplay between the limbic system, dopamine release, and sex hormones, the very simple explanation is that when a teenager is moody, volatile, animated, thrill-seeking, it is because the primitive brain is driving the desires, and when the teen achieves those desires, whether they are food, sex or an exciting new experience, the body releases dopamine, which is a pleasure chemical.
Prefrontal Cortex
This is the part of the brain responsible for complex, logical cognition, and develops last. This is why adolescents gradually change and begin to make more mature decisions as they get older. Their brains are literally changing and they are using the correct parts of the brain to form thoughts. Instead of “going with the gut”, young adults (approaching 25 years) tend more and more to use logic to analyze a situation before acting, as the brain becomes fully-developed.
Making Decisions
Dopamine release features quite strongly in adolescent decision-making patterns. This is why teenagers are always bored. This is also why teenagers display thrill-seeking behavior, which leads to increased risk-taking and (sometimes) substance abuse and addiction. Teens are more vulnerable to addiction than adults because their brain and body chemistry is different.
Because teenagers use their emotional centers for making decisions, they will be more impulsive, less logical, and more focused on the rewards of the action, rather than the risks or long-term drawbacks. This is a part of the growth and development of the brain, which, in previous eras, would not have been so detrimental. In today’s society, which is littered with all types of potentially destructive influences, from social media and online games to addictive substances and sexually-transmitted illnesses, every teen is naturally prone to making a bad choice that could impact his or her future. Social factors can amplify or mitigate what is already happening with the teen.
Reaching Out
It is important to remember that teenagers make decisions with their emotional or limbic brain, so they will be less rational. Teenagers are prone to risky behaviour and impulsive choices because of the way theirs brains are developing, and the hormones at play. This cannot be stopped or changed without damaging the teen’s developmental processes.
When they show signs of wanting to push the limits for the next new experience, try to channel that enthusiasm and curiosity into a new sport or hobby, such as rock climbing, hiking, go-karting, skateboarding or any other activity in which the individual can challenge him- or herself and be rewarded with a healthy dopamine release.
If the individual is not inclined towards active hobbies, consider introducing new and interesting board games, role-play games or tabletop strategy games using painted models. The process of getting to know the game mechanics and trying out different strategies is a novel experience which will engage and reward most youngsters with that need for something new and different.
It is most important for parents to spend time with their teenagers, getting to know them as young adults, recognizing their unique traits and thoughts as outputs of an individuated mind. Parents need to be accessible for when teenagers want to vent or try out their thoughts on someone reliable. Parents must be the solid sounding wall, not trying to direct, mold, prune or shape, but rather to simply be there to listen and to reassure the tempestuous teen that he or she is loved and safe, and whatever feelings may be raging inside, it gets better and easier to handle, with time and good choices.