“The One Who Listens To Me” (2024-2025)
I have a habit of thinking about how others perceive my expressions. As I realized that other people’s emotions needed to be considered, I became more concerned with my language of expression. I frequently find myself torn between expressing objectively and caring for others’ feelings. In other words, rational analysis versus emotional empathy. However, they don’t seem to be exclusive together. Over time, I developed my own formula: empathize first, then offer rational advice.
I gradually became the person to whom many friends confided. Their experiences may be unusual and the causes of their mood swings may vary, but my responses are always based on my formula. Human emotions can be simple; however, when our emotions overwhelm our rational selves, we frequently require a rope to pull us out of the water (emotional) before we can dry off (rational). However, as my “power” grew, so did my standards. As a result, I find it difficult to receive comfort from others. It’s like being a photographer who takes pictures of other people and wishes to be photographed by others but is unable to be the subject of his own work.
I was advised to seek the help of a counselor, but I eventually abandoned the idea. For one thing, I am still a student and cannot afford the high counseling fees. Second, I sometimes have sudden thoughts about philosophical esoteric issues late at night, which a counselor could not help me with. Third, ever since the development of my perceptual system, I have felt an empathic need to be recognized by others. It would be difficult to find one counselor who could support me aligning with the rest of my life. Fourth, as I express myself, I unconsciously empathize with thoughts about how she would feel if she heard my story. I frequently modify my stories in order to stabilize my fantasy of how she sees me. I’ve realized that as long as a person can empathize, they will care about what they share and change their own perspectives. This would be counterproductive to helping us recognize our own situation.
So, for various reasons, I grew to enjoy journaling because it allowed me to list all of the things that triggered my emotions and then work through them one by one. However, confronting them requires me to be strong enough to suppress my emotions, which makes fighting them exhausting. Sometimes, it is not the feedback from others that is important, but rather the re-examination of ourselves when we express it. Therefore, talking to a living or nonliving object is not the core, but whether it can be our “mirror.”
He Jia, born and raised in Beijing, China, is pursuing an Applied Psychology major and a Social Entrepreneurship minor at NYU. He enjoys constantly reflecting on his actions, which helps him understand himself better. At NYU, he works as a research assistant in the Cognitive Development Lab, attempting to better understand human behavior. He enjoys studying human needs and motivations. During the writing process, he frequently re-edits and deletes his words. Besides being a psychology student, He Jia’s essays contain many resonant and summarizing paragraphs, as he enjoys using sublimation writing techniques to help him express himself.