“Ethel Cain’s New Songs for the South” (2023-2024)

Nothing about this essay materialized until the last available moment. My initial plan to write an essay about Jerry Seinfeld was so poorly received by my classmates that I was forced to abandon it after an early draft, and I have so few hobbies or interests that I was still lost long after the subjects of our essays were due to be finalized. It wasn’t until a pivotal evening on the roof of a friend’s apartment building, listening to Ethel Cain’s music, that I was inspired to write my essay about her. I had been interested in her story for a while, primarily in the apparent paradox of what I perceived as her romanticization of rural America. My understanding of her work was rudimentary and wildly incorrect at the time, but writing this essay gave me a wonderful opportunity to dig deeper and correct my understanding of it. 

My habit of missing deadlines continued throughout the writing process; even this reflection is being written well after its expected due date. Oftentimes, I would choose not to submit my drafts even when they were finished because I did not like them enough to let another person see them. I had worked hard to make my writing style less formulaic and more reflective of myself, but in doing so had put some part of my personality at risk of criticism. I prefer it when I am the only party allowed to make personal attacks against myself.

Even upon turning in my final draft of this essay, I was not totally happy with it. There were a lot of things I had wanted to add, and I didn’t quite curate the mood I had hoped to. Nonetheless, I can’t help but be happy with how my writing has improved since before I started my journey with this essay. Giving myself some degree of creative agency in my writing has made it so that I will probably never be satisfied with my results, but has also removed the ceiling I had set for myself on what my work could be.

Ryder Kern, ’26, first became interested in Anhedönia because he, too, is an enigmatic musical superstar. A lover of stories and a Wikipedia enthusiast, he giddily responds to any opportunity to dive deeper into the details of things. He is from Chicago, Illinois, and is currently studying international relations at the College of Arts and Sciences. He would like to major in something else too, but doesn’t quite know what yet.