“I Thought You Were Vietnamese” (2023-2024)

As a child of immigrant parents, I had always grown up with the expectation to work hard in order to honor my family for the sacrifices that they had made to seek refuge during the Vietnam War. I never fully understood the struggles my family faced until I was older and able to have difficult conversations with my mother about her journey to America. With age, I became more aware of the battle between becoming Americanized versus staying true to my native culture, and deep down I knew that I had already strayed too far from my mother country. I felt like a failure to my grandparents and older relatives because I let the language barrier between us grow. Surrounded by friends who still had a grasp on the Vietnamese language, I started to question if I could truly call myself Vietnamese. Whenever I was around older Vietnamese people, I constantly asked my friends or mom to translate for me, and I always felt the slightest bit of disappointment from my elders whenever I responded to them in my broken Vietnamese. I battled these feelings of guilt and insecurity and felt alone in my struggle.

This path of shame and regret that I faced suddenly became less lonely when I read “Teach Yourself Italian” by Jhumpa Lahiri in my “Writing the Essay” class. Learning about Lahiri’s deliberate choice to abandon her mother tongue for a language that had no connection to her was incredibly empowering to me, and her story inspired me to truly confront my feelings of cultural guilt and find the confidence to call myself Vietnamese. Just like those hard conversations I had with my mother about the Vietnam War, writing this essay was difficult, but ultimately it granted me the ability to tap into one of the most vulnerable parts of myself. Although the essay may be short, it has allowed me to become more forgiving and accepting of myself. My feelings of disappointment and shame may have inspired my writing, but it was my feelings of forgiveness and confidence that formed the essay. In all honesty, I cannot say with complete certainty that I will be fluent in Vietnamese, but now I know that no level of fluency takes away my right to proudly call myself a Vietnamese woman.

As an aspiring orthodontist, Jennifer Tran studies biology at the College of Arts and Science, but her interests do not stop at chemical equations and cell structures. Born and raised in New Orleans, Louisiana, Jennifer has been exposed to numerous forms of art and has fostered a love for creativity from a young age. Surrounded by people of countless backgrounds, she appreciates the beauty of culture and takes pride in her Vietnamese heritage. As someone who values vulnerability and introspection, Jennifer explores the cultural battles she faces within her community in her essay and hopes that her story can comfort and inspire others to embrace their individuality. Going into her second year at NYU, she aspires to explore herself more through writing.