“The Sexism of the Self” (2022-2023)

I was exposed to Rebecca Solnit’s work for the first time shortly before I began writing this essay. When I read “Disappearing Acts,” I was struck by the way that Solnit acknowledged her passions–music, writing, and other imaginative acts–as empowering, if only for fleeting moments. As a musician, I immediately understood the way that creativity can uplift an individual by allowing them to channel feelings of autonomy. But what struck me the most was her acknowledgement that this feeling of empowerment can be temporary and even foreign. Her imagination allowed her to experience something more powerful than what society told her about being a woman. I was amazed that she was able to articulate a phenomenon that I knew was true, because I had experienced it myself, though it was one I never fully understood before.

This struck me so personally that, at first, I shied away from this text. I knew that writing about it would require me to examine my own experiences with sexism as a young woman. Historically, I avoided writing about this topic. Perhaps I thought that if I ignored it, I could pretend it didn’t affect me; maybe I was scared that acknowledging the effects of sexism on me in my writing would only squander any hope that I had for changing it.

Despite my urge to push away and find a different topic to write about, as I read on, Solnit drew me in closer. I became lost in her fundamental question: where could the parallel lines of womanhood and empowerment intersect? Though the question is still perplexing at times, this essay gave me an opportunity to meditate on one of my core experiences as a young woman. It asked me to reckon with my conceptualization of creativity, self-esteem, mental illness, and hope. The personal nature of these topics posed a challenge, because writing with direction requires an author to see a way out, in some way, of their own maze. Ultimately, the challenge of finding a way out became the driving force of my essay. It led me to look deeper and question harder why it was so hard for us to imagine a world without sexism.

Taylor Borthwick, ‘25, is a student of music technology at Steinhardt who is also interested in political science, sociology, and history. Raised in Princeton, New Jersey, she spent her adolescence writing and recording music, which she shared with friends in their local D.I.Y. art scene. The power of music as a means of self-expression and community building led her to investigate the intersection of creativity and psychology. Through her writing, she explores these ideas in conjunction with discussions of mental health and social revolution, and she hopes that an understanding of these conjunctions can be a tool for uplifting marginalized groups.