Submitted by Tyrone
College is all about managing relationships, and (in my experience) the hardest aspect of this is when relationships break down – specifically romantic relationships. I have dealt with my fair share of breakups, on both the giving and receiving end. Neither is easy. In this article I’m going to share some insights I’ve learned over the years. I hope you find them helpful if you’re going through a breakup yourself.
Don’t Feel Like You’re the Only One
One of the most common misconceptions about breakups is that they are a unique occurrence. It’s pretty easy to feel like you’re the only one that has ever experienced one. However, that is far from the truth. What’s more, it’s very likely that you will experience more than one breakup in your life. If you study or work at a university, you probably see them all the time. In fact, I can think of at least 4 other breakups that happened within the 2-month period I was going through mine.
This is important because it helps to realize that you’re not alone. It helps you realize that breakups are a natural part of life, and that you will get through it.
Don’t Beat Yourself Up
You’re going to make mistakes. You’re going to do things you regret. I know this because I’ve made plenty of mistakes. For example, I once told my now ex-girlfriend that she was “boring” because she didn’t like a certain kind of music. That was a stupid thing to say, and needless to say, I didn’t get any brownie points for saying it.
I made other mistakes too. Some were pretty subtle, like “forgetting” to text her back because I was busy, but others were pretty blatant, like getting mad at her for things she did, when she was in the right.
It’s okay to make mistakes. Nobody’s perfect. However, what’s not okay is to beat yourself up about them. If you do that, the break up will be a lot more painful. Instead, accept that you made a mistake, learn from it, and move on.
Don’t Be Afraid to Disclose Your Feelings
Breaking up is sad. It’s really hard, and it will make you feel bad. Don’t be afraid to acknowledge this.
What I’m saying is, don’t try to act all tough about it. Don’t try to pretend that you’re fine when you’re not. It’s okay to show your true emotions.
Side note: I know that some people will read this and say, “don’t be so emotional, it makes you look weak.” Just ignore those people. They’re probably a little bit sad themselves.
Don’t Be Afraid to Tell the Truth
People will often tell you, “it’s okay to still be friends even though you broke up.” I’m not going to lie, this is a hard one. It’s hard to do because it feels like a betrayal. It feels like you’re betraying your ex. It feels like you’re betraying your feelings.
Well, guess what? It’s not.
It can be really hard to remain friends after a breakup. It’s just the way it is. That said, if you and your ex want to stay friends, then that’s a good thing. If you have to stop being friends with your ex, then that’s also a good thing. It doesn’t mean that you’re betraying anything. It just means that you’re making the decision that’s right for you.
Don’t Be Afraid to Cry
It’s okay to cry. It really is.
I’m not going to say that I cried like a baby throughout the entire breakup process, but I can tell you that I cried far more than I ever imagined I would. One of my ex-girlfriends told me, “I can’t believe you’re crying, you’re such a man.” To be honest, I did feel a little silly crying as much as I did.
If you find yourself feeling like you’re crying too much, then just accept it. It’s normal.
Don’t Be Afraid to Do Whatever You Want
If you want to do something, then do it. Don’t be afraid to spend time with your friends. Don’t be afraid to do whatever you want.
For me, this meant finally going to the gym. Up until that point, I had been too depressed to go. However, when I started going to the gym, I felt a lot better.
Don’t Be Afraid to Talk
In some cases, you might have to talk to people you probably don’t want to talk to (like your ex, for example). You should still do it.
This is important because the more you talk to people, the more likely it is that you will resolve whatever problems you are having.
Don’t Be Afraid to Do Things That You Enjoy
You should do things that you enjoy. Don’t feel like you have to be miserable all the time. Don’t feel like you have to feel bad about everything that’s happened to you.
For me, this meant that I started going out more, going to more parties, and meeting new people. Sure, some of the parties were duds, but I met some really cool people as well.
Don’t Be Afraid to Try New Things
If you want to try a new hobby, then try it. If you want to start a new project, then start it. Don’t be afraid to do new things.
For me, this meant that I started writing (which led to this post)! I was a little scared that I wouldn’t have anything to say, but I was pleasantly surprised when I actually started to have fun writing.
Conclusion
At the end of the day, you‘re going to get through this. Breakups are painful, but they‘re also a natural part of life. If you keep using the tips I shared above, then I believe you will have an easier time getting through your next breakup.