The city of Jaipur is the capital of Rajasthan, which is the largest state in India and is located in the south-west of Delhi. The state borders Pakistan on the east and is known for the great desert Thar, which extends into Pakistan, and for the mountain range Aravali. Rajasthan is the native land of the famous Rajputs, invincible and audacious warriors from the kshatriya class, mythological descendents of the god Rama, who appeared on the historical stage around the 6-7th century. The main impression I have of this state is the wide spectrum of colors embellishing everyday life around here – the building facades, the walls, the bicycle and motor-rickshaws, the trucks and buses, the saris, the shawls, the turbans. Another distinctive cultural feature here are miniature paintings, a style inherited from the Mughals, but the themes derived from the lives of the great kings, called maharaja, who were successful in protecting their kingdoms from foreign invasion most of the time and thus succeeded in preserving their cultural distinctiveness.
The City of Jaipur is known as the Pink City because many of its buildings were painted pink in order to create an impression of red sandstone. The city was founded in 1727 by Maharaja Sawai Jai Singh and is known for the unusual architecture and beautiful design of its buildings, such as the Hawa Mahal, which means ‘wind palace’ with its lattice-like intricate incrustation on the façade, the observatory complex Jantar Mantar, the City Palace, the Amer Fort and many more. The present maharaja, and his queen, the maharani, were deprived of their political and economic privileges after India became a republic. The local people, however, are still proud of their rulers who still live in a small wing of the City Palace, while the rest is a museum open to tourists. If the royals are in the Palace the flag on the top tower is up, if they are not, then the flag is lowered.
I visited Nita, a friend of mine, who lived in a large beautiful house in a nice neighborhood close to Jaipur University. I walked into the spacious foyer and noticed a large statue of Shiva at the right of the entrance. Shiva is one of the three supreme gods of Hindusim. Brahma is the Creator, Vishnu the Protector, and Shiva is the Destroyer. He has a complex character because, on the one hand, he is feared because when he is enraged, he opens his third eye and transforms everyone and everything to ashes, but, on the other hand he is the ultimate ascetic and also the most loving husband. This particular statue depicted Shiva as ardhanarishwara, literally ardha– ‘semi’, –nari- ‘woman’ and – ishwara ‘god’ or in his androgynous form, with half male and half female body. According to the Kalika and Skanda Purana, in order to demonstrate their ever-lasting love to each other Shiva and Parvati merged their bodies into one. In the Shiva Shatarudra and the Kurma Purana Brahma was unable to produce a copulative creation and after intense meditation on Shiva, the god appeared and separated the female shakti from his body to ensure the origin of women and thus support the process of the creation17.
The statue did not belong to the family, it was government property. Specialists and art history graduate students came to their house to examine it. The father of my friend, Neeta, that I was visiting was a doctor and after he saved a minister’s daughter’s life he had been presented with this strange gift. I had seen in some of the museums valuable artifacts dating back to 10th century BC in very poor condition just lined up on the ground under a shed in the museum’s yard. This one was kept in a wall-niche behind a glass with special light and cooling system, isolating it from the harmful effect of the elements, especially high humidity, high temperatures, and dust. These conditions are impossible to control for many museums which have meager resources and which contain thousands of precious ancient artifacts.
Neeta was a member of the Congress party, the party of Nehru, Indira and Rajiv Gandhi. Neeta was involved in the movement for the protection of women’s rights in the rural areas around the city and was serving as a consultant and educator for women who were victims of domestic violence and psychological abuse, she advised them about their legal rights. She recounted stories she had heard. Some were about husbands, violent and alcoholic, and in most cases a wife could not go back to her parents’ house since her parents would only tell her to return to her husband to save the family’s reputation, and so she would be left without a place to go. There was a story about a woman who had acid thrown on her face because she left the house unveiled. Another woman lit herself on fire and was burnt to death, all this because she was not able to get pregnant. A father killed his daughter for ruining the family’s honor; she was raped. A recently married woman fell off a cliff and died in what was deemed an accident; the villagers knew that the in-laws were harassing her for more dowry. Another one, who had unpaid dowry dues died from an accidental ‘kitchen fire’.
“This is still a critical issue in our villages. In the small cities dowry could be given as land, as cattle or jewelry, and in the big cities as money, furniture, a house, a car and even a vacation. I know many families that never demanded any dowry, but they are from the city, educated. Changes are happening in the villages, but very very slowly.”
“What kind of changes do you have in mind?” I asked Neeta and she explained that she was referring to the 73rd amendment of the constitution from 1992 which guaranteed that no less than one third of the seats in the panchayat, the village council, be reserved for women and thus provide them with opportunities to participate in the local political structures and to represent their own interests.
“Well, Rajiv Gandhi and his government were determined to make changes. But you know what actually happens? I went once to a village to check whether the law was followed and what I saw were five men discussing village issues and no women in sight. So I inquired where the woman member was.
“‘At home.’ One of the men said.
“‘Why?’ I asked.
“‘She has things to do at home, cooking, taking care of the children… and some work,’ was the answer.
“‘She is a member of the panchayat. Why do you start without her?’ I pressed.
“‘I am her husband, you know. She should take care of the house.’
“‘But this is wrong!” I said.
“‘Listen she is illiterate, anyway.”
Then I asked him:
“‘What grade did you finish?”
“And can you imagine what he said?”
“‘Well, I can’t read either, but I know more.”
“A few times I saw that the woman was there during the meeting, but she was veiled and standing at the door, quiet and staring at the floor. And in the meantime, the four men were sitting comfortably and making decisions. Then I asked them:
“Why is she standing there and not participating?”
“How can she sit with us? We are older.”
“Why can’t she speak?”
“She can’t speak in front of us!”
“Why does she have to be veiled?”
“Her father-in-law is sitting here.”
“See, on paper all looks excellent. Yet, essentially, changes haven’t happened.” Neeta sighed.
I was listening to her and thinking that certainly, no one would take it personally or would be offended by attitudes or behaviors that some would consider odd or unfair, because all was according to the local customs. These customs and traditions have developed on the basis of the so called Manusmriti, or the Laws of Manu, an ancient collection of regulations and codes of behavior for the members of the Hindu community and have been referred to and observed judiciously for centuries. We have insufficient information about the author and about the time when he compiled it and wrote it down, and scholars have different opinions about whether this can be dated to before or after 1st century AD18. It postulates about the female members of the Hindu society. Along with the rule that the women in the house should be revered, it also states, especially in Chapter 9, that no woman should be independent at any age, that she has evil tendencies, that she should be taken care of by the male members of the family day and night, that her father, her brother and then her husband should provide for her, that she should be confined to the house, that she should obey the husband she is given to, worship him as a god no matter what his character or defects are, that if she has no children within eight years of marriage or only daughters within ten years, then the husband can bring in another wife. Boys and girls in many rural areas of India still grow up in communities where these ideas are prevalent; they don’t know of any alternative ways and follow these customs prudently to ensure peace in the family.
Seven out of ten families live in the villages. Often for economic reasons women cannot be confined to the house and, along with the chores at home, they also work in the fields, which subsequently become an extended domestic sphere. In the smaller towns, it is still unacceptable for women to work outside. If the wife does work it means that the neighbors, the relatives, and the community will all know that the family is going through financial hardship. Thus, the woman is expected to stay at home in order not to jeopardize the good reputation of the family. Social opinion is an objective as well as a motivation. It is the driving force at time of decision-making. What others think about the current emotional or economic situation is sometimes more important than the actual state of affairs, since a damaged reputation can affect future generations.
I like a joke that was recounted to me a couple of times and which is quite telling. The wife complains to her husband:
“Our neighbors came back from shopping today and the wife got three beautiful new silk saris from Banares. I need a new one for our cousin’s wedding, but you said that we don’t have enough money. If you would have let me open up a tailoring services shop, which I have wanted to do for so many years, we would have been able to buy such expensive ones, too.”
The husband replied:
“Well, listen, go to the market place, pick up six saris if you want, come ba
ck, show them to our neighbor and return them. I know the shopkeeper. He will do me a favor. I will call him, right now.”
In the bigger cities women work in banks, computer companies, travel agencies, schools, colleges, etc. Many get a chance to meet the chosen suitor and talk to him before the wedding, albeit in the presence of adults, although sometimes the young woman is left alone with him or even allowed to go out for a walk to chat further and see if the two of them are really compatible. Sometimes the women even reject their parents’ suggestion and choose spouses on their own. After the wedding, many give up work, usually because they are busy taking care of the house, the children and the elderly parents-in-law, but some insist on keeping their jobs and continuing along career paths of their own choice.
I remember my meeting with Anjali. I was sitting in a restaurant with my friend Tina, a lawyer. We were having a casual conversation when her phone rang. After she hung up she told me that an old friend from college was in the city for a few days and would be coming to join us soon because she happened to be in the neighborhood. Tina insisted that I meet her and assured me I wouldn’t be in the way. Half an hour later my friend jumped from her seat and rushed to the door. Two women were standing there. One was unusually tall with a very short haircut, wearing dark glasses and was dressed in jeans and a white shirt. The other one, who was holding her arm, was a bit chunky and wore a colorful salwar-kamiz, which can be described as a long top and pants. After Tina hugged her friend, she leaned over and said something to the woman in the traditional outfit who then left. My friend held Anjali’s arm above the elbow, carefully steered her through the tables and slowly helped her sit down next to me. Anjali was all smiles. Her voice was crisp and playful. She ordered a big mango ice cream. We spent three hours in this restaurant chatting. She told me that she was born blind. Her mother blamed herself for that, because she thought it was caused by a medicine she took when she did not know she was pregnant. There was no hope for a cure, but she was not despairing. She was a criminal lawyer and with her own private practice. She had won a couple of high profile cases and had earned fame and fortune. She was sought after by people as the ‘blind madam lawyer’. Her practice grew exponentially and she had opened up offices in a few cities with a total of 50 employees. Her family was large – she had six aunts. Her grand-parents were Sikhs, but some of their daughters married Hindus and they all worked and had careers, including her female cousins. The family was now on a mission to find her a husband. This is why she had come to Delhi, to meet a couple of the men selected by her relatives. She lived in Goa. She had moved there after graduation. Sadhna, her personal assistant, had been with her since they were kids and had been with her now for twenty years, and had followed her with her family. They were going to help Anjali if she had children. When she was a teenager her dream was to become Miss Universe and to show the world that India had come a long way and was a modern country with opportunities for all.
I was really intrigued by this attitude toward beauty competitions. I had heard and read about various points of view on this topic. Miss India receives national acclaim and media coverage and the winner’s success on the international stage is closely followed. Undeniably, however, there are conservative outcries against these competitions, especially against a woman’s participation in the swimming suit competition, but these are rather random and sporadic. Beauty pageants seem contradictory to the overarching traditional mindset about women, but, apparently, some space for negotiation does exist. On the one hand, this space is due to the differences between village and city mentality that is reflected in the life style of the metropolises, where there are diverse opportunities for the
middle and upper-middle classes. In the big cities non-conventional trends are tolerated, as opposed to the type of life and degree of availability and acceptability of alternative ways in the smaller communities. On the other hand, the models of behavior created and promoted in the country itself are different, but concurrent with the ones fashioned and upheld for an international audience.
Anjali’s wedding took place a year later on the beach in Goa. Her husband is Dutch-Indian, they met during a business cocktail party and soon afterwards he proposed. She is now expecting their first baby.
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17 See for more on this story Dimmitt, C. & J. A. B. van Buitenen (Transls. and Eds).Classical Hindu Mythology: A Reader in the Sanskrit Puranas. Temple University Press. 1978. 215-216, 229-232
18 See for more The Law Code of Manu. Trans. Patrick Ollivelle. New York:: Oxford University Press, 2009