NATALIE DIAZ
By Sidney Stubbs
Natalie Diaz once wrote “She was more orchard than loved”
Six words set upon me like starving dogs to a bone
I have always been more orchard than loved
Pluck at my bushes and take
Apple, leaf, stem
Chewed down to the seeds again and again
And you don’t return them to the ground
You swallow them
And then come back for more
When I walk down the street
I am transparent
Invisible
I don’t exist
It’s like I never have
But still, I’ve loved
My family
My friends
Myself
The wrong men
Easily, I love
I’ve loved too many
Was soft and cut open to my very core
So strangers can better take slices of me
Convenient
But when they’ve finished eating
The core is left to rot
And the flies come
With their hungry wings and incessant hum
I’ve known other orchards
Whose trees didn’t flower the next summer
And the summers after those
And I’ve known others
More loved
They move and the Earth follows
There is no give-and-take
You are a taker
Or a giver
Chosen or ignored
And
More loved than orchard
Or
more orchard than loved