NATALIE DIAZ

By Sidney Stubbs

 

Natalie Diaz once wrote “She was more orchard than loved”

Six words set upon me like starving dogs to a bone

I have always been more orchard than loved

Pluck at my bushes and take

Apple, leaf, stem

Chewed down to the seeds again and again

And you don’t return them to the ground

You swallow them

And then come back for more

 

When I walk down the street

I am transparent

Invisible

I don’t exist

It’s like I never have

But still, I’ve loved

My family

My friends

Myself

The wrong men

Easily, I love

 

I’ve loved too many

Was soft and cut open to my very core

So strangers can better take slices of me

Convenient

But when they’ve finished eating

The core is left to rot

And the flies come

With their hungry wings and incessant hum

 

I’ve known other orchards

Whose trees didn’t flower the next summer

And the summers after those

And I’ve known others

More loved

They move and the Earth follows

There is no give-and-take

You are a taker

Or a giver

Chosen or ignored

And

More loved than orchard

Or

more orchard than loved