Are ‘Guilty Pleasures’ Specific to Women? A Reflection on Gender and Culture

By Kenzie Erhardt

Guilty pleasures: we all have them. 

Meghan Markle admits, “French fries and vino are my vices.” Chloe Kim says  “laying in bed and doing nothing and eating.” Beyonce confesses “it’s pizza, which is my favorite indulgence.” Within these supposed guilty pleasures, there seems to lie a pattern of food, relaxation and self-care. This then prompts the question; Are these really guilty pleasures — or more likely, are these two words a subtle form of the modern patriarchal structure reinforcing gender stereotypes and protecting male fragility? 

It is likely that we have all heard this term attached to the end of normal, ordinary, and even mundane things; such as chocolate, shopping, or wine. There seems to be a trend where these words often come from women rather than men.  In general, it seems that as women, we are compelled and encouraged to provide a reason when enjoying more traditionally labeled “feminine” likes. As women, we are often judged and scrutinized both in life and the media — whether that be unsought criticism of our bodies, being “too assertive,” or enjoying “trashy” tv.  

Everyone eats chocolate, so it should be enjoyed without shame; but often for women, the consumption of sugary foods is deemed a “guilty pleasure.” Much of the association between these guilty pleasures for women — like eating unhealthy foods, binge watching tv shows, and drinking wine — lies in society’s idea of typical activities women engage in during their menstrual cycles. Sure, many women do engage in these comforts, but the heavy classification of them as inherently feminine is meant to make women ashamed of acts everyone engages in. Men find admitting to these same things emasculating, showing the societal pressure to project this guilt onto women and further compel them into also characterizing their own behaviors as shameful. Ironically, the behaviors meant to comfort women have been used against them, so much so that this harmful association encourages women to feel guilty for the consumption of chocolate and other sugary foods outside of their periods. This idea seems to be rooted in the historical pattern of expectations of body image — the demand that women maintain a certain  “physique” that society deems ideal in order to display their femininity and “be a woman.” There is an image of the “ideal woman” that we continue to see cycle through history: those of unrealistic expectations and standards that move backwards rather than forward, and feeling guilty about eating chocolate is just the tip.   

Similar to chocolate, women are often pressured to feel insecure and embarrassed about liking reality shows, such as the Bachelor and Love Island — shows centered around dating featuring female protagonists. The media often criticizes both the audience and contestants on these shows. There are definitely arguments and problems to recognize in the harmful portrayal of women in reality TV. In many cases, the power of editing has the opportunity to create an exaggerated and false competitive narrative between women, and exploit female vulnerability and sexuality, ultimately not helping reject these stereotypes. However, reality TV has also served as a medium to launch successful careers and empires. The Kardashian family has an accumulated net worth of over one-billion dollars, through strategic forms of marketing, business and brand deals — all of which began with their reality series Keeping Up with Kardashians. These successful women have built careers and businesses with a worldly influence, becoming house-hold names. Women have so much power as consumers, developers, creators and are the main demographic of these shows, so why aren’t these works taken more seriously? Reality TV also serves as a medium to promote diversity, inclusion and a platform for unheard voices. The reality show I Am Jazz follows Jazz Jennings’ journey of transitioning into a woman, and navigates her messy age of adolescence. The impact of this show, and Jennings’ story, changed, as Variety Magazine puts it, “the world for trans youth, simply by being herself.”  The artistic choice to film her story in an unscripted, documentary style highlights the reality of her journey; both the highs and the lows, thus inspiring many other trans youth through the representation and vulnerability of her own transition. 

I find myself actively contributing to this toxic stereotype as well, hesitant to admit to watching these shows, reflecting on certain shows as a “guilty pleasure” and wondering why can’t I simply enjoy them: Should it be taboo to watch women be free to explore their authentic, powerful, and complicated selves?  In a Refinery29 article, female journalist Siren Kale shares her ideas surrounding the importance of the feminist movement in relation to reality TV, stating,  “I think about how rarely middle-aged women are allowed to discuss their relationships, ambitions, children, and sex lives on camera while being their eccentric, endearing and lovable selves.” If reality TV launches careers, creates conversations, celebrates diversity and challenges gender stereotypes, why should this be something to be ashamed of?

So instead it becomes, Guilty pleasures: “We” all have them. 

In a Men’s Health Article, men anonymously admit to their own guilty pleasures: “‘Those cheerleading competitions on ESPN2,” “The Confessions page of Cosmopolitan magazine,” “Emotional conversations with your closest buddy,” “Chardonnay,” “gossip,” “pottery barn,” “slippers,” and “Kelly Rippa.” Arguably, these examples can speak for themselves.  There is an interesting relationship and difficult distinction between toxic masculinity and male fragility; however, it is worth considering the cultural standards of manhood that men are so afraid of breaking away from. Fearful of becoming vulnerable and stripped of their masculinity, men grasp onto and reclaim their manhood by projecting these insecurities onto women. This fear of emasculation ends up seeping into traditionally female pleasures and suggesting these things to be viewed as “lesser,” “shameful,”  and “comical.” There is a sad, collective belief that adding “guilty pleasure” before chardonnay, slippers and emotional vulnerability offers a protection to preserve this tough, hard-working, physically strong, beer drinking, male ego. These “guilty pleasures” are simply more-so traditional definitions of femininity, thus, supporting the argument that these words are a base supporting the patriarchal system and enabling misogyny. Two words can carry a lot of weight. 

There are many ways to dismantle the gender-binary and challenge these stereotypes, but it all starts with language. We need to have conversations about language, and consider how what we say individually impacts gender stereotyping. Because even small, seemingly throw-away words continue to confirm gender stereotypes and further develop biases. The words “guilty pleasure” suggest weakness: and yet, there is nothing shameful or weak about self-fulfillment in whatever forms that it manifests itself in. I love chocolate, wine, and trashy TV. Don’t you?