The Balancing Act

Madeline Cohodes /
Bellevue Hospital Program for Survivors of Torture /
New York, USA /

As the summer progresses, I have certainly developed a deeper understanding and appreciation for PSOT. My daily schedule normally consists of waking up at six in the morning to fit in three hours of studying for the MCAT before heading over to Bellevue. The dichotomy between the mundane routine of studying for the test that helps determine medical school acceptance and then the constantly changing environment of the hospital couldn’t be more apparent.

Each day brings new clients, different operational projects, and a revolving door of emotions. On one particularly stressful day, I was ruminating on the pressure of MCAT and trying to focus my attention on finishing a grant with a quickly approaching deadline. It was one of the few times that I’ve brushed against what emotional burnout in the human rights field feels like. Even as an intern who isn’t directly involved in therapeutic contact with patients, reading trauma narratives and compartmentalizing life stories to data points can take its toll.

At that moment, a new mother walked in with her one-month-old. This mother is one of the lucky ones. She started out in Brazil, newly pregnant, and journeyed with her husband across the Dairen Gap all the way to Mexico. More and more of our clients have made this journey and recount the horrendous amount of the robberies, rapes, and murders they’ve witnessed deep in the rainforests. Most clients say that that experience was worse than the torture they endured in their home countries.

The client who walked in endured all of that pain, only to be detained once she got to the US, and yet, here she was. I walked over to say hi and hold her daughter for a minute. It was a small moment, but it reminded me that it’s the little moments that encourage most people to keep going. There will always be stresses and pressures in life; for me, the MCAT will only be the first of many in my medical career. However, the ability to balance stressors while simultaneously enjoying the daily miracles that occur in the PSOT hallway has been the most important lesson I’ve picked up this summer.