I’ve shared a lot about listening and holding space so it seems the right time to throw a monkey wrench in things and introduce the important skill of interrupting. Yes, interrupting. (No, I have not gone any madder than I was when I got here.)

There are times when we can get stuck in our stories or verbal loops. From the perspective of coaching these stories are important in understanding where we are coming from, but eventually, we need to set them aside to move forward.

For example, perhaps former management had instilled a sense of defensiveness and bitterness in a team and the new manager is struggling to move past that and develop a happy and productive team. As that manager coaches their team, old war stories and complaints will arise. While the feelings are real, the cause is gone. There comes a time when those stories are no longer informing but blocking progress. This is where the power of interrupting comes into play.

For example, “I hear how difficult it has been for you. That sounds like a dark time in your career, and I am happy you are free of that toxicity.  Where do you want to go from here now that they are gone?”

As you can see from this example, the benefits of interrupting are reaped when followed by an empowering question.

This skill takes us into the realm of edgy coaching where we must be willing to take risks and push forward. Establishing and holding a supportive relationship and space for the coaching can give us permission to walk that edge when needed.

Is Rambling OK?

The short answer is anything that is working for the client is ok.  Sometimes a client may need to think through a process aloud, or simply say what has been weighing on their mind so they can be free of it.  When a coach chooses to interrupt, they do so not for themselves but for the client.  This requires one to remain present and to trust one’s gut.  

If you find yourself lost trying to follow that stream of consciousness, and you are unsure if the client has any intended direction, it may be time to reign things in. In doing so, remember that this is a co-created space and that partnering with the client in the process will help facilitate better clarity

Some examples:

“Excuse me for interrupting, but I’m having a hard time understanding what is meaningful to you and I’d like to hear what is truly important for you so I can support you. Would you help me out and bottom-line the thing you most want me to know?”

“You’ve just shared a lot of information and I’m not sure what you want me to respond to. What would you like me to respond to?”

“You know, I’m lost in all the stuff you’ve been saying and I’m wondering if others you’re working with might have the same experience?”

“What specifically would be of value for us to focus on right now?”

Giving Structure

While I was working on my coaching certification, my mentor pointed out how important it is for the coach to work with the client to set the scope for the session at the very beginning since that scope provided the needed structure for that session to build on.  Without that structure, it will be difficult to end with specific action items, and the client will feel blown around with every idea and question.  To set scope, I rely on two simple questions at the very beginning of our conversation:

1. 1. What would you like coaching on today?
   2. What would you like to accomplish at the end of this session?

These questions make sense in a traditional coaching model where the client has sought out and hired the coach for assistance, so the focus is always on the client’s objectives. When applying coaching skills in the workplace, these objectives may be your own so you would want to be clear on the purpose of the conversation.  In this case, the point is to be clear what you want out of this interaction so that the conversation stays on topic and reaches an action plan.

When rambling occurs, one can then ask how that applies to the topic and objectives set as the agenda.